Is Cybersex a sin for a Christian?

Is it wrong for a Christian to have cybersex? Is this a sinful activity for a Christian? What does the Word of God say about Cybersex?

What is Cybersex?

Before we can determine if Cybersex is a sin for a Christian we need to first define what it is.

Webster’s Online dictionary defines cybersex as:

“activity in which people become sexually excited by sending messages about sex to each other over the Internet”

Examples of cybersex would be people using webcams to watch each other masturbate or sending each other sexually explicit instant messages.

Another way of defining cybersex would be live sexual communication over the internet between two persons for the purposes of sexual arousal and/or orgasm.

Before we can understand whether cybersex violates God’s we need to see why God created sex and what his rules and purposes for it were.

Six principles about God’s purposes for sex

Biblical Sex Principle #1 – Sex is only allowed between a man and a woman

“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them…

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.” – Romans 1:18-19 & 26-27 (KJV)

Biblical Sex Principle #2 – Sex is allowed only in Marriage

“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” – Hebrews 13:4 (KJV)

Biblical Sex Principle #3 – Sexual foreplay is allowed only in Marriage

“Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother; and they played the harlot in Egypt. They played the harlot in their youth; there their breasts were pressed and there their virgin bosom was handled.” – Ezekiel 23:2-3(NASB)

Biblical Sex Principle #4 – Sex is not only allowed in marriage, it is also required

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” – I Corinthians 7:3-5(KJV)

Biblical Sex Principle #5 – Sex in marriage is given us to us as a gift for our pleasure and comfort

“Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:” – Genesis 49:25

“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” – Proverbs 5:18-19 (KJV)

“And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” – Genesis 24:67(KJV)

“How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince’s daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman. Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies… This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof…” – Song of Solomon 7:1-2 & 7-8 (KJV)

Biblical Sex Principle #6 – Sex in marriage is not only given to us for pleasure, but also for procreation

“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply…” – Genesis 1:28 (KJV)

Sexuality vs Sex

A key distinction to understand is the difference between Sex and Sexuality.

Sex is the act of two persons mentally and/or physically sexually arousing one another usually culminating in an orgasm by one or both persons. But sex can be had sometimes with no orgasm from either person (e.g. when a couple has to stop having sex before orgasm – maybe because they get interrupted by kids.).

When we refer to a person’s sexuality, we are talking about a person’s ability to be aroused by thoughts of sex, smells of sex, the sight of other persons or the touch of other persons and the ability to feel pleasure in certain erogenous zones of one’s body as well as experience an orgasm.

While God limits the exercise of sex to be only within the bounds of marriage, he places no such bounds on sexuality itself.

In other words – a young teenage boy or girl do not have to be ashamed of the fact that they can become sexually aroused many years before they might get married.

One note on the issue of sexual arousal. Because we are sinful and have corrupted natures it is possible for some teenagers to be aroused and attracted sexually to the same sex. Without getting into the larger topic of homosexuality – Christian teens should not entertain or allow these thoughts as they are a corruption of God’s pure design of sexuality. If a teen continues to struggle with this, they should tell their parents so that they can get into a Christian counseling program that works with individuals that are tempted by homosexuality.

Having said that – if a teen is experiencing normal heterosexual arousal this should not be shamed, but rather encouraged by parents.

This the fine line that Christian parents must walk. Christian parents must not present sex as some dirty thing, or something not to be talked about. They ought not to teach their teens that they must repress their sexuality until marriage. But instead, Christian parents need to help their teens channel their sexuality in healthy ways.

They need to teach their children that while sex is reserved for marriage(including all sexual touching, oral and intercourse) this does not mean that their sexuality must be repressed until they are married. A teenage boy should be free to express how he feels about certain women that he finds attractive and why he finds them attractive. The same goes for a teenage girl in why she finds certain men attractive.

Of course parents need to teach their children about the appropriate times and places for sexual talk, as well as boundaries of language that are in good taste. For instance it is normal and healthy for teenage boys to discuss girls they find attractive and for teenage girls to discuss boys they find attractive. Usually the teenage boy conversation will be more about physical attributes of girls, while the teenage girl conversations might be much less physical. Teenage boys should be taught how to be gentlemen and not gawk at girls or make lewd and suggestive comments to girls. The same should be taught to teenage girls.

As part of our human sexuality that God has gifted us with, he has given human beings the ability to act on their sexual arousal or sexual tension that builds up with the gift of masturbation. This gift of masturbation is helpful in many ways. It can help teenagers to learn about their bodies and prepare them to have better sex lives in their future marriages. It can also help with adults who have not yet found the person they will marry, or even with engaged couples that are trying to remain sexually pure for marriage. Masturbation can help make up for libido differences between husbands and wives.

Masturbation is a lengthy topic so I will refer you to some other posts where I have gone through the Scriptures on this topic. But the fact remains, no in Scripture does God forbid masturbation, in fact in the Old Testament he regulated the cleanup of masturbation in the cleanliness laws he gave to Israel.

Can masturbation be abused – Yes and I reference in this several of my posts. Just like people can abuse their nature God given hunger for food, others can abuse their God given gift of sexuality. Some men sit for hours each and every day looking at erotic imagery (whether it is immoral imagery or not) and they are constantly masturbating and it effects every part of their lives.

Some people masturbate so much that they cause themselves mental issues that affect their ability to have normal sex in marriage and they have difficulty reaching orgasm through normal sexual intercourse.

But if we treat masturbation the same way we treat food, as a normal human need then it can be done in a healthy and safe way. We need not fear that because we masturbate that this means will somehow cripple ourselves from enjoying normal sex with our current or future spouse.

Now that we have shown what Cybersex is and why God gave us the gifts of our sexuality and sex itself – now we can compare Cybersex to God’s view of sex and determine whether it is sinful or not.

Is Cybersex a sin for married couples?

Since God has gifted sex to marriage – there is no sin in married couples engaging in cybersex. In fact this should be encouraged for couples that may be separated by long distances due to military deployments or other work related issues. It helps the couples to connect even while apart. The Scriptures do not require that every orgasm a Christian husband or wife has must be experienced through physical sexual intercourse. Some Church leaders have wrongly taught this with no Scriptural backing whatsoever.

Is Cybersex a sin for unmarried Christians?

Cybersex is a violation of God’s Word and his boundaries on sex for unmarried persons. Usually Cybersex involves one or both people masturbating but that is NOT why it is wrong as masturbation is allowable within God’s law. Cybersex many times involves looking at nudity of some sort(like images of another person masturbating but this is NOT why Cybersex is wrong as God’s law does not forbid sexual arousal from looking at nudity.

The reason that Cybersex is wrong is because the only type of sexual activity between two persons that God honors is that which occurs within the covenant of marriage. So that means dating couples or even engaged couples may not engage in Cybersex before they are married. Obviously it means that strangers may not engage in Cybersex online with each other either.

Some might ask – “but there is nothing physical so how can it be wrong?” The reason is that sex is both a mental and a physical activity. If two persons are interacting with one another and they are sexually arousing each other, whether it be by using web cams, or instant messages and whether or not they have an orgasm they are in essence having sex with one another. It is just mental sex, as opposed to physical sex, but it is still sex.

But what about looking at pictures or sexual recordings of people, or just imagining sex with someone?

If you have read any amount of posts on this site you will see that I show there is no sin in Christian looking at nude image, or video as long it does not feature unmarried person’s having sex or other sinful sexual activities. So how can Cybersex be wrong, but looking at a picture of a nude woman, or even married couple having sex be ok for a Christian?

The difference is this – it is impossible for you to have sex with an inanimate object. Sex requires two persons interacting with each other, whether physically or mentally. If you are imagining having sex with a beautiful woman – does she have any idea that you are imagining that? Is she interacting with you in some way? If the answer is no, then you are NOT having sex with her (even mentally speaking).

But what about people sending nude pictures or videos to one another?

Again I have said many times on this sight that there is no sin in a man viewing nude images of women, or just imagining them in his head – then being aroused and even masturbating to such imagery. But in the context of Cybersex, this then begs the question – what if a man and woman (who are not married to each other) are sending recorded images of themselves to each other but they are not live and interactive? Would this still be Cybersex? Strictly speaking it would not be Cybersex, but it could be trying to entice someone into cybersex or actual sex.

For instance if you(as a man or woman) take nude pictures of yourself and send them into some image sharing websites for others to appreciate and view there is no Cybersex happening. If however you as a man or woman send images directly to another person with the express and intent purpose of tempting them into having Cybersex or actual sex with you outside of marriage then in this case even the exchange of such imagery can become sinful, because the intent is sinful.

But what about the mental adultery Christ spoke of in the Gospels?

“Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” – Matthew 5:27-28 (KJV)

Christ says here that if a man looks on a woman – to do what? “To lust after her” that he “hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” But notice some key things about this passage.

First – adultery refers to a specific type of fornication that only occurs in relation to marriage. Also adultery always has at it center a married woman, the marital status of the man pursing her is irrelevant. If a married man has sex with a single woman outside of marriage, that technically speaking is not adultery – it is what the Bible calls ”Whoremongering”.

Second – Paul tells us what Lust is when he wrote “for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.” Romans 7:7 (KJV) So to lust, is to covet. Covetousness is the not simply looking at someone or something and getting pleasure from the sight of that thing. Covetousness is the strong desire to actually take possession of something that belongs to someone else. It is fantasizing about how one might actually take possession of something that they cannot possess.

So when we understand these two truths then this what Christ was actually saying:

“If you look at a married woman and you being to have covetous thoughts about how you can get her to cheat on her husband with you, then you just by your covetous thoughts you have committed adultery with her in your heart.”

That is the most literal understanding of what Christ was saying in there. So “mental adultery”, but Christ’s definition is when man looks on a woman with covetous thoughts of how he might possess her outside of marriage. Notice that for a man to simply look at woman, even a married woman in the context of this passage – is not sin. It is when a man looks at a woman with covetous thoughts, then and only then does sin enter the picture.

Conclusion

While looking at nudity and masturbation are not sinful – Cybersex is a sin even though it usually involves both nudity and masturbation. Cybersex is more than viewing nudity, becoming aroused and masturbating – it involves an illegitimate sexual relationship between two people who are not married and it is not something any Christian should be involved in.

Why do married men masturbate?

Married couple quarrels in bed. Depressed man sitting on the edge of the bed, focus on man

Jay Dee, a blogger who writes on his blog sexwithinmarrage.com, wrote a post entitled “Why do married men masturbate?” This is one of many blogs that I wish to respond to, as the Lord grants me the time. As believers our first and foremost responsibility is to bring honor and glory to God with our lives, but how we do that is sometimes where we disagree.

In my efforts to bring God glory, I am on a mission to set men free from the secular based tyranny of feminism on one side, and the religious based tyranny of Christian asceticism on the other side.

Feminism attacks masculinity (especially male sexuality) from the perspective that man’s physical, visual and polygynous sexual nature is somehow shallow. They attack men for looking at, or enjoying the view of beautiful women and accuse them of “objectifying woman”.

Asceticism is the belief that one must severely discipline his body, and avoid all forms of indulgence, typically for religious reasons.

Christianity had its own form of asceticism begin while the Apostles were still preaching and Paul actually referenced it and attacked it (Colossians 2:18-23). Just think “monks in a monastery” and you will understand what asceticism when taken to its fullest extent.

The unfortunate truth is, there is still much Asceticism in the Church today, throughout almost every Christian denomination. Many good preachers and teachers, believing they are fighting for holiness and purity put the men in their churches under the yoke of bondage to asceticism.

I have written many positive affirmations on this site from a Biblical viewpoint, about man’s physical, visual and polygynous sexual nature. I encourage you to check them out.

With all that said as a background, I must call my brother in Christ to task on his false teaching that solo masturbation without one’s wife present is adultery. Jay Dee’s full post can be found at http://sexwithinmarriage.com/why-do-married-men-masturbate/

We see the same facts, but we interpret them very differently

Jay Dee starts out with facts about who masturbates. I will list just a few and add my response:

“In 1996 a Promise Keepers survey at a stadium event revealed that over 50% of the attending men were involved with pornography in the last week.  You can bet that number is lower than reality as most people wouldn’t admit it.  Plus, this is only in the last week.”

While Jay Dee would tell these men this was wicked, I would first ask these men what they were calling “pornography”. We must understand there is good and bad pornography, even Jay Dee on his site talks about “Christian Porn”. He simply narrowly defines it as husband and wife taking pictures of themselves, and they are the only ones that see them.

I would define “Christian Porn” in a broader sense as any imagery NOT containing group sex, bestiality, rape, underage minors, homosexuality or any kind abusive sexual behavior. What that means is, any picture of a naked woman by herself or any pictures of heterosexual sex between a man and a woman are completely acceptable by Biblical standards.

If you are thinking this is where lust comes in, you might not know what Biblical lust is. Lust is NOT simply being sexually aroused by someone of the opposite sex, it is the thought and intent to possess the person sexually outside of marriage.

I would first try to find out – how many of these men at Promise Keepers were looking at bad porn(as I have defined it above), and I am willing to bet I would shave that 50% number down quite a bit. But even for those men who were truly looking at bad porn, imagery that would violate God’s laws regarding sexuality, I would show them there is a better way, there is a way to enjoy their God given male sexuality without sin.

I would show them they can look at Christian porn, porn that stays within the boundaries of God’s design and laws for how we can enjoy our sexuality.

By the way here is a Christian site that does offer “Christian pornography” that stays within the bounds of God’s law – http://restoringchristiansexuality.com/christian-porn-galleries/

“29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior (The Barna Group)”

So that means we need to convince the 71% percent of those who oppose viewing sexually explicit behavior to realize that sex, within God’s boundaries, is not a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with a married man or woman being turned on sexually by the site of someone of the opposite sex, it is what you do with that arousal that becomes sin or not. Are you thinking of looking up that person so you can find them and have sex with them? If not there is no lust, there is no sin here.

“61% of married Christian men masturbate”

Ok I would venture to guess that about 31% percent lied about not masturbating, and there might be actually 10% of married men who either are married to very sexually active women (women who want sex more than they do), or they are torturing themselves day in and day out, battling their sexual nature as designed by God, because someone like Jay Dee told them it was a sin.

Jay Dee quotes Matthew and gives his interpretation:

Matthew 5:28 – But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

If you are masturbating and thinking about someone other than your wife, this is adultery.  Plain and simple.”

Sorry Jay Dee, but “looks lustfully” has nothing to do with sexual arousal or fantasy, it has to do with sexual covetousness as Paul states in Romans:

“for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.” – Romans 7:7

So you, I or any other Christian man can enjoy the sight of, the image of, or the memory of any woman, married or single, and we can even masturbate to their beauty as long as we are not thinking of or scheming to try and actually possess them sexually outside of marriage.

Jay Dee then quotes Ephesians and give his interpretation:

Ephesians 5:3 – But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality,or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Now, the standing that masturbating is sexual immorality is weak, so I’m not going to argue that one here.  But I will argue that a lot of spouses are masturbating out of greed.  They are taking what they want where they can get it instead of where God designed your sexual energy to be focused at (a man’s wife).”

Masturbation is not sexual immorality, and neither this passage, nor any other passage of Scripture says so. “The hint of sexual immorality” does not mean that no program we ever watch on TV, or any book we read can feature an unmarried couple that lives together, or has sex outside of marriage. The “hint” is regarding our own lives as Christians, we ourselves, cannot have a hint of sexual immorality in our own lives, whether that is sex outside of marriage, or adultery or any other kind of sexual sin.

Jay Dee does give us a “hint” of his own, where he is headed with his post when he says “God designed your sexual energy to be focused at (a man’s wife)”. I will respond to this when he fully reveals his thinking later.

Jay Dee continues:

1 Timothy 1:18-19 – Timothy, my son, I am giving you this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by recalling them you may fight the battle well, holding on to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and so have suffered shipwreck with regard to the faith.

Here Paul tells Timothy to hold on to the faith and a good conscience.  As we saw earlier from the stats, most men who are masturbating do not have a clear conscious about it.”

I realize most men do not have a clear conscious about masturbating and do you know why? It is because they have been taught by their parents, their pastors and many others in our culture that this is somehow deviant or bad behavior. This is one of the main missions I have on this site, to help men rid themselves of the heavy burden of guilt that is put on them for masturbating, not by God, but by the traditions of men.

The last verse in this section Jay Dee quotes comes from I Thessalonians:

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 – It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;

And a call to control yourself, to not be overtaken by passionate lusts.”

Again – masturbation is not sexual immorality. Lust is coveting something (thinking about to actually possess something) that God did not intend for us to have. God did not intend for us to have sex with a woman outside of marriage, so if we are having thoughts of how we can convince a woman, married or single, to have sex with us, without us first being married to her – then we have lusted. This is the “passionate lust” the Apostle Paul is speaking of.

But then Jay Dee comes to his true reason that he actually believes masturbation (apart from doing it with your spouse) is sin:

“But, I think the largest argument is not an explicit verse, but rather the overriding message of the Bible with regard to marriage and sexuality.  100% of your sexual energy should be devoted to your spouse.”

Really??? What Bible verse did you get that from? “100% of your sexual energy should be devoted to your spouse”?

It is interesting that he uses the term “sexual energy” because that encompasses the visual, the thoughts as well as the physical. Every jealous woman in America is applauding his “100%” percent rule, but that does not make it any more correct than when he uttered the statement.

I agree that 100% of any sexual touching or talking (oral sex, sexual kissing, manual sex and intercourse, phone sex, web cam sex) is to be only with a woman that we are married to. But we as men are no more disallowed from enjoying the view, and being aroused by the sight other beautiful women than we are of enjoying the sight of food or the smell of food that sits on another man’s plate. As long as we don’t try to sneak a bite of his food, or plot how to take it when he is not looking, we have not sinned.

Jay Dee then applies his principle of 100% sexual energy:

“That means when you are unmarried, you are not expending sexual energy.  Otherwise, by doing so, you are cheating on your future spouse.  We call this fornication.  When you are married, you focus all your energy on your spouse.  If you don’t, we call this adultery.  So, if one is married and masturbating alone, focusing his sexual energy on something other than his spouse (porn or an idealistic version of his wife, or just focusing on his own pleasure), then I’m going to call that adultery, and the Bible is very clear on that.”

Jay Dee is actually putting a huge yoke of bondage on young men, or married men (especially with those whose wives are sick or have very low sex drives) by saying “when you are unmarried, you are not expending sexual energy”. Apparently Jay Dee does not remember being a teenage boy or young man in college. Jay Dee has literally declared war on male sexuality with that statement.

God did not give men their sexual nature, only for them to completely suppress it until they are married. Again while his intentions may be good, Jay Dee’s teaching here is utterly false.

Men need to channel their sexuality and it is true they cannot experience their sexuality to its fullest with physical sexual contact with a woman, until they are married to that woman. God gives us this rule for many reasons, one of the biggest being for our own protection, and the protection of women.

But God did give young men the wonderful tool of masturbation. They can freely, and without any guilt whatsoever, enjoy the view of beautiful women and they can masturbate to those beautiful thoughts without feeling ONE BIT SINFUL.

Jay Dee in the end of his post, reveals why he has taken such a strong stand on masturbation:

“Now, I say this in all love, having struggled with all this before.  I have a 15 year history with porn addiction, from teenage years through most of my marriage.  There were times I could not perform sexually because I had already masturbated too many times that day.  There were times I avoided sexual encounters because I was worried my wife would realized I was being sexually active without her.  And at all times I was hiding something from my wife.”

Jay Dee has pulled what I call a “Billy Sunday”. What happens to many good Christian men is, because they used to abuse something that is not sinful in and of itself, they have to convince themselves that not just the abuse of it, but the thing itself is entirely sinful and of no use.

Billy Sunday was a famous Baptist preacher, who before he got saved, was baseball player. He was a horrible drunk and it almost ruined his life. So when he got saved, he was convinced that alcohol itself was the devils drink. He almost single handedly brought about prohibition by going throughout the country preaching against the evils of alcohol.

Now I fully believe alcohol can be abused, and if you think you might have a tendency to get drunk, or someone in your household has trouble with it, then you ought not to have it there. But if you know how to use it properly and in measure, God does not call alcohol a sin, only the abuse of it.

It is the same way with masturbation, since Jay Dee truly did abuse masturbation, where it caused him to have erectile dysfunction while performing his sexual duties with his wife,  and it caused him to sometimes avoid sex with his wife, he was sinning by masturbating TOO MUCH.  His erectile dysfunction may have been caused by his fear of his wife knowing about his masturbation, or because masturbating too much actually causes ED in many men, it makes no difference, the point is, his masturbation caused issues in his sex life with his wife.

What is this “hiding something from his wife”? What Scripture passage says a husband cannot hide anything from his wife? Some men have to hide money from their wives, even in separate bank accounts, so their wives won’t blow it all. Other men because of the secrecy of the work they do cannot share things with their wives.

Unless a husband is hiding something sinful, a man does not have to tell his wife everything he does. Certainly if a man is having an affair with another woman, that he ought to come clean and confess this “actual sin” to his wife. I am not advocating for hiding sin. But a man looking at beautiful women, or even keeping a collection of images of beautiful women and keeping it from his wife is not a sin.

Jay Dee ends by answering the main question:

“So, to answer the question, why do married men masturbate?  I think there are three reasons:

  1. Ignorance – They don’t realize what effect it might be having on their marriage

  2. Selfishness – They know but don’t care, they are just chasing an orgasm

  3. Addiction – Some are addicted, and they need help.  Loving, but firm, help.

My answer to why married men masturbate would follow more in line with Scripture, the sexual design of men by God, and biology:

  1. It is ignorant for a man NOT to masturbate, especially if he is a young man, because it will help him to learn about his body, keep him from ACTUALLY sinning(have sexual touch or relations with a woman)
  2. It is no more selfish for man to masturbate, then it is for him to eat food, it is part of the bodily design that God has given him.
  3. Yes just as someone can become addicted to food, they can become addicted to masturbation, apparently as Jay Dee was in his former life. But food is not sinful in and of itself, and neither is masturbation.
  4. Men masturbate because their sexual nature is much more physically based than a woman’s nature typically is (although there is nothing wrong with a woman masturbating either). His body needs that sexual release, else he can become cranky and frustrated, or he may fall into sin by having ACTUAL sex with a girl because he has not used the natural release valve God gave him – masturbation.

A word to Christian wives reading this post

You may have come hear, because you either caught your husband masturbating(for instance at his computer) or he admitted to you that he does – perhaps even feeling guilty about it. You can take the truths I have shown here, as well as the many articles on why masturbation can actually be healthy and good for a man(or a woman), and you can grow together and help him to not feel guilty.  Your marriage can grow stronger and closer as a result.

This will also require you to sacrifice your pride as a woman, the romantic ideals that you have been raised with that your husband should “only have eyes for you”. You will have to ask God to rid you of your jealousy (a problem that many women in the Bible faced). It will require you to fully accept your husband’s sexuality as God designed it, not as you would have it.

Your other option is to force your husband to war against his God given sexuality in a futile attempt to meet your jealous demands. But this war against his God given sexuality, will never be over, and you and he will continually find yourselves frustrated in in attempt to battle something God never intended for you to battle.

Christian wives – the choice is yours.

Conclusion

Jay Dee, like so many other Christian Ascetics we see online, in print, or in pulpits across America, is a good Christian man with good intentions. However as you can see in his post, he offers not ONE shred of Biblical support for his belief that masturbation is wrong because “100% of your sexual energy should be devoted to your spouse.”

How to overcome the guilt associated with Masturbation

facebookprofile

I have had many Christian men ask me about this question and I decided it was time to take on the “guilt” side of masturbation. For some it was a parent scolding them and for others it was a Sunday school teacher or Pastor telling them that masturbation was a heinous sin the eyes of God. Perhaps it was the stories told of a man named Onan in the Bible who was killed for masturbating.

Guilt is not a bad thing, if we are feeling it for actual sin. But often times as believers, we are made to feel guilty for things that are not sins. Christian teachers add things to God’s law, and then try and heap guilt on other believers for doing things that God has given us the freedom in Christ to do.

I am not saying all these teachers have nefarious motives. Many of them are guided by good intentions, and they genuinely believe they are serving God by teaching men to not only fight against sexual sin, but to also suppress their God-given, male sexuality.

The way to fight guilt about masturbation, is the same solution to most every problem in the Christian life. We need to hide God’s Word in our hearts, memorize his Word, and mediate upon it. Below I list 8 Biblical principles, and the Scriptures upon which they are founded. If you will just mediate upon these passages, I promise that the guilt of masturbation will eventually fade from your mind, and will become only a bad memory. You can finally have that peace that passes all understanding.

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

God recognizes masturbation as a normal bodily function

In Leviticus 15, God recognizes three distinct bodily functions. The first is a man having an emission of semen, separate and distinct from having sex with a woman. The second emission of semen is during sex with a woman. The third discharge, is the blood a woman has when she menstruates. What is interesting here is God never says any of these bodily functions are sin, because if they were a sacrifice would have to be made. Instead they were only “unclean” until evening. This had to do with disease prevention, and nothing to do with sin. If God though a man having an emission of semen was sinful, then he would have demanded a sacrifice for it.

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

Onan was not killed for masturbating

First of all, the context of Genesis 38:6-10 is not even of masturbation, but of “pulling out”. This is when a man is about to ejaculate while having sexual intercourse, he pulls out to let his semen fall on the ground.

For centuries, and even to this day, some Church teachers have wrongly taught that God struck down Onan for masturbating. This could not be further from the truth. The truth of the matter is, he was struck down for not fulfilling his duty of Leveratite marriage to raise up an heir for his brother’s estate, and especially for the deceptive way in which he did it. He would enjoy his brother’s wife sexually, but instead of doing his duty and ejaculating inside her to give her a child, he would pull out. This was the heinousness of his crime and the reason God struck him dead.

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

Masturbation is NOT selfishness

Ephesians 5:29(HCSB)

A common tactic of anti-masturbation Church teachers is to claim that masturbation is an act of selfishness. First let us point out that the Scriptures never teach that masturbation is a selfish activity. As stated in Biblical truth #1, God even acknowledges masturbation as normal bodily function, in the same vein as sexual intercourse and women having periods. If masturbation was a sin, he would have stated it was in Leviticus 15, instead of comparing it to activities we know are not sin, such as sexual intercourse and a woman menstruating.

Put another way, if masturbation is a selfish activity, then so is having sex with one’s wife, and so is a woman having her period. Masturbation is no more selfish than it is to eat or drink, or to have a bowel movement. These are all natural bodily functions. Is it selfish to enjoy our favorite meal? Is it selfish to sit in a bath tub and enjoy a hot bath? Is selfish to take a vacation day and relax? Is it selfishness to read our favorite book or watch our favorite movie? No! Selfishness is not taking care one’s own body, or experiencing various pleasures that God allows, selfishness is when we ONLY think of our needs and wants, and not the needs and wants of anyone else around us.

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

Masturbation is not the cause of Lust, Masturbation is the cure for Lust

1 Corinthians 10:13(HCSB)

Masturbation is not the temptation! This a lie that Satan wants us to believe, and many Church leaders throughout the centuries after the Apostles died, fell for this lie and many other lies. The temptation is to have premarital sex, or adulterous sex, or homosexual sex, the temptation is to commit sexual immorality.

Masturbation is actually the “way of escape” that God has given us to relieve our minds of the temptation to sin. Take for instance if a young collage age man is feeling tempted about having pre-marital sex with his girlfriend. If he masturbates just before he goes on this date, his temptation to have pre-marital sex with be greatly lessened.

If a man is being denied sexually by his wife, and perhaps he is tempted by a woman at his work, masturbating can relieve this temptation.

Satan wants us to take away the gift of masturbation that God has given us, so that we will be more tempted to commit actual sexual sins.

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

Sexual arousal and Sexual Fantasy are not Lust

Matthew 5:27-28(HSCB)

A common tactic used by many Church teachers is, if they will admit that the Bible never condemns masturbation specifically, they will say it condemns it implicitly because they say being sexually aroused by someone of the opposite sex you are not married to is lust, and this usually precedes, or comes during masturbation (sexual thoughts of another person). I actually agree that masturbation without any fantasy at all is very difficult, and can actually be very frustrating.

But the entire premise is wrong. Jesus never condemned sexual arousal or sexual fantasy in Matthew 5:27-28, what he condemned is the desire to possess another man’s wife. Literally he condemning sexual covetousness – which is the strong desire and the fantasizing about actually taking possession of a woman outside of marriage.

A man simply being aroused by the site of a beautiful woman is not Lust. Even if that man imagines what it would be like to have sex with that woman, still no lust has occurred. It is when he begins to plot, to think about how he could lure that woman into having sex with him outside of marriage, then he has lusted, then he has truly coveted her. And if he does not catch and confess his covetous thoughts, they may lead him to the physical act of adultery, instead of just the mental act of adultery.

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

Is it not wrong for a young man to look upon, and sexually desire single young women

Job 31:1(KJV)

Can anyone seriously say with a straight face that they think Job was saying he never looked at any young ladies, or never thought any young ladies were pretty? That is not what he is talking about at all in Job 31. What Job is talking about is lusting after young women, and lusting in this case is a man thinking about, plotting, how to get young virgins into bed with him outside of marriage.

This builds upon Biblical truth #5, but more specifically targets young men, whether they be teenagers or young college students. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a young man sexually desiring, or getting sexual pleasure from looking at the young woman around him. There is nothing wrong with masturbating to thoughts about them either. In fact as we talked about in Biblical Truth #4, masturbation may keep you from having premarital sex with that young woman you are dating.

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

Masturbation glorifies God

I Corinthians 10:31(HCSB)

“How does masturbating glorify God?” This is another question that might arise in your mind, or one that has been presented to you by a Christian who opposes masturbation. The Apostle Paul tells us in I Corinthians 10 that even our eating and drinking has the capacity to glorify God. These are normal bodily functions that God has given us not only for survival, but also for our enjoyment. Therefore we honor God in any bodily function we perform, and even in the enjoyment of our body as long it does not violate God’s commands or his principles for Holy living. It also glorifies God by helping to keep us from real sexual sin (Biblical Truth #4)

Open Bible, with textured granite background.

Do not submit to unbiblical rules and teachings that forbid masturbation

Colossians 2:18 & 21-23(HCSB)

Asceticism is the idea that by avoiding all things that give us pleasure in this world, we can attain a higher state of spirituality. This false teaching is not unique to Christianity and is found in many other faiths. Monks are good examples of those who follow ascetic teachings, denying themselves all forms of pleasure thinking it will bring them closer to God.

Asceticism had already crept into the Church while the Apostles were still alive and writing God’s Word. This is exactly what Paul was fighting against in Colossians 2. Unfortunately, not long after the Apostles died Asceticism poured into the churches. Eventually you had church teachers even teaching that it was a sin for a married couple to take pleasure in sex. Sex was seen only as a necessary evil for producing children and it was common for early church leaders to have married couples take vows of celibacy, lest they indulge in this “worldly pleasure”.

While modern Church teachers today no longer condemn taking pleasure from sex within marriage, they still continue to repress the normal sexuality with which God has designed us all. Some of these Christian teachers actually teach young teenage boys that it is a sin for them to become aroused by the site of beautiful young girls around them. Still others teach that if a man is engaged to his girlfriend, he must confess every sexual thought or fantasy he has about her until they are actually married.

Modern Christian teachers still condemn masturbation, teaching unbiblical doctrines that ever emission of semen a man has must be with his wife during sex. However we can clearly see from Leviticus 15 that God acknowledges men having emissions of semen – WITHOUT their wives present, masturbation. He never condemns it and puts in the same category the natural bodily functions of having sexual intercourse with your wife, or a woman having a bloody discharge from her period.

Conclusion

Don’t let anyone steal your joy, or take away the “escape” or the pleasure that God has given you through his wonderful gift of masturbation. Always return to these 8 Biblical truths – and enjoy the freedom, not to sexually sin, but to enjoy what God has given you.

Just remember – Christian teachers not too many centuries ago were telling married couples that they could not even enjoy sexual intercourse together!

Is masturbation selfishness for a Christian?

Man looking in his underwear

Is masturbation a selfish activity for a Christian? Does it violate the Biblical concept of putting God first, others second and ourselves last?

As believers in Christ, one of the first Biblical principles we learned growing up is that true joy comes from putting God and others first. We were taught this simple acronym:

Jesus first: Jesus Christ, his will, and his glory should be the first concern we have as make our daily decisions and plans for life. In fact Jesus said if we loved others more than him, even our family more than him, we were not worthy of him.

Others second: The second group is others. This would be your wife and children, parents and then all others. In other words you take care of your family before you take care of yourself, and then you take care of brothers and sisters in Christ before yourself, and then strangers before yourself.

Yourself last: What I always found interesting in church is, when they got to the “You” part of joy, they rarely said much and moved on, it was simply a place holder, to remind us we always come last before Christ and others.

The JOY acronym is a very Biblical and Christian concept that we find all throughout the Old and New Testaments, here are just a few passages from the Gospel of Matthew which illustrate these important truths:

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:36-40(NIV)

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

Matthew 10:37(NIV)

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”

Matthew 16:24(NIV)

There is absolutely no question that God calls on us a believers to put him first, others second and ourselves last.

In fact in Matthew 10:37, we are called to “deny” ourselves, take up our cross and follow Christ.

Doesn’t putting yourself last and denying yourself make masturbation wrong?

In light of the Scriptures I have just presented, many Christians throughout the centuries and still even today have believed that Christians must deny themselves all forms of pleasure, whether it be having sex with our spouses, eating foods we enjoy or participating in sporting or leisure activities.

Masturbation has been has been seen by many Church leaders and Christians as the antithesis of the “self-denial” that we are called to in the Scriptures.

But before I answer these weighty charges against masturbation from a Biblical JOY perspective, let’s look at some other Biblical passages:

“Six days do your work, but on the seventh day do not work, so that your ox and your donkey may rest, and so that the slave born in your household and the foreigner living among you may be refreshed.”

Exodus 23:12(NIV)

 “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.”

Leviticus 19:18(NIV)

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

I Corinthians 10:31(NIV)

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Ephesians 5:21(KJV)

While there are many passages in the Bible that illustrate the JOY principle, there are also many passages that address us taking care of our bodies, as the care of our bodies is indeed important to God. Throughout the Old Testament we see the God is interested in the health and cleanliness of our physical bodies.

God did not rest on the 7th day because he needed to, he rested to provide an example for us, as physical beings to give our bodies the refreshment, and nourishment they need. While we are no longer under the Sabbath law, I believe the principle of the Sabbath still remains, that we are to give our bodies the proper rest and refreshment they need.

God does not say it is wrong to love or care for or meet the needs of our body. Where we sin is when we abuse our bodies with drugs, alcohol or unbiblical Christian activities amongst other things.

In fact when I deny my body the rest it needs, by constantly working 7 days a week, and months on end with no rest, I am dishonoring God by neglecting the needs of my body.

It is one thing to fast and pray for a short time, and fasting can actually cleanse the body. But fasting for too long can cause great harm and damage to the body. So even fasting, when abused, can become a sinful and dishonoring activity to God.

The body needs a sexual release, and when it does not get one sinful thoughts can begin to creep in. I wrote an entire post on the subject of how Masturbation can actually help to keep you sexually pure. When we neglect our bodies the need for sexual release, even through masturbation, we dishonor our body, and we dishonor God.

Let me ask you something, if you purposefully withheld having bowel movements, or urinating, for days or weeks on end, and thus hurting your body, would you think this somehow honors God?

Anything that is not sinful, that our body needs to perform, whether it is eating, drinking, bowel movements, urinating, passing gas, having sex with our spouse and yes even masturbation by ourselves brings honor to God. Why? Because we are using are bodies as they were designed to be used, we are caring for our bodies and meeting the needs of our bodies, in ways that are not sinful.

Now even the natural needs of the body can abused, when we do things out of place or in the wrong way.

Passing gas with just family or friends might be amusing, but passing gas in front of strangers or in the middle of a church service would not be honoring to God.

Having sex with our spouse honors God, but if I start sticking my tongue down my wife’s throat in front of her parents, that may not be so honoring because of the time and place.

For masturbation it is the same, in the privacy of my home it is one thing. To just jump out in front of visitors or others and start masturbating would be wrong, again it would be the wrong time and place.

An illustration from massage

Many Christians will say that the only legitimate God honoring way to relieve sexual tension, or sexual hunger is through intercourse with our spouse when we are married, they say to masturbate is the just pure selfishness.

Imagine if we applied this same principle to those who have neck and shoulder tension. That would be like saying we can only get relief by having our spouse rub our neck or shoulders, and it would be wrong to use some massage device on ourselves, or get a massaging chair and have that work out the tension for us.

Many Christians simply refuse to look at masturbation as a legitimate means by which God gave man the ability to relieve sexual as well as other stresses that we may face in life.

Conclusion

It is absolutely true that God calls us to put him first, others second and ourselves last. But this principle does not make masturbation anymore wrong than us eating or having bowel movements is wrong.

It is not wrong to take care of the needs of our body, whether it getting proper rest, eating, having bowel movements, having sex with our spouses, and yes even masturbating when we need sexual relief, in fact I would say that we are honoring God when we take care of these various needs of our physical body.

When I get proper rest each day – I am honoring God because I am caring for the body he has given me.

When I take a day, or even two days off (when I don’t work Saturday) – I am honoring God by giving my body the refreshment and rest it needs.

When I eat my favorite foods, I am honoring God by caring for the body he gave me. (Obviously if I eat too much of my favorite foods then this same activity can become the sin of gluttony).

When I have sex with my wife, I am honoring God by giving her my body, as well as the sexual release that both our bodies need.

When I have a bowel movement, I am honoring God, by relieving my body of the waste that it needs to.

And yes, even when I masturbate, if it is done in a correct way, and under the right circumstances, I am honoring God by relieving the sexual tension that has built up in my body.

Not only are things like eating, sex with our spouses and masturbation needs of our bodies, but God has also given us these things for our joy and pleasure.

God calls to put him first, and to deny our SINFUL desires, he does not call us to deny the legitimate needs and desires of our bodies, we have only to keep them in balance, and do things in the proper time and place.

Masturbation is not a selfish activity anymore than eating food is selfish, it is all how much, when, where and under what circumstances it is done.

Masturbation can help to keep your sexual purity

group of casual people smiling isolated over a white background

I realize the idea that masturbation can help keep your sexual purity seems like an oxymoron. In fact at most churches Christians are taught just the opposite, that masturbation causes them to have impure thoughts and the act itself is a sin. But masturbation is not a sin, and it can help keep you sexually pure.

I am a born again Christian, a Bible believing Christian. I am married, and I have a wife to have sex with. I wrongly thought when I was a young Christian teen that all this sexual temptation would go away as soon as I was married. Let me tell you Christian friends, it does not. In fact after you have had the real thing (sex with a woman), it can get worse.

I agree with other Christians that we do face a battle against sexual temptation. Where we disagree is where that battle is and what tools God has given us to wage that battle.

I agree with anti-masturbation Christians that we must war against thoughts of having premarital sex or adulterous sex. That means if I even think of how I could get a single woman into bed, or a married woman into bed (that I am not married to) that is what Jesus Christ called “lusting after a woman” in Matthew chapter 5. From this point forward I will refer to anti-masturbation Christians as AMCs.

Where the disagreement comes in is about sexual arousal, sexual fantasy and masturbation. AMCs believe all three of these things are the enemy, and we must war against them. I believe these are a tool, to keep us from truly sinning.

If we understand God’s boundaries that we cannot think of luring someone into premarital or adulterous sex then we need a tool to get rid of the sexual tension that most people face. The only people who do not face sexual tension are those whom God has given the gift of celibacy, they are basically asexual and do not have a sex drive, but this is a very small percentage of the population.

Your body needs a physical sexual release

Your body needs a natural sexual release, especially if you are a male (but many women do as well). Approximately every 72 your sperm ducts fill up and hormones are sent through your body tell you need a release. Anti-masturbation advocates will tell you God’s tool for release is nocturnal emissions, otherwise known as wet dreams. So somehow it is ok for your mind to subconsciously think about having sex with a woman, which causes you to ejaculate in your sleep, but if you consciously had the same thoughts about her that would be sin? I don’t think that AMCs have clearly thought this out.

While women do not have sperm ducts that fill up like men, they do have hormones that release once a month around the time they ovulate. These hormones in essence make them horny, so that if they were married they would want to have sex with their husband when they are fertile. This is the only reason the human race has survived.  So while a woman may not need to masturbate every other day like a man, she may only need to masturbate one week a month around the time of her ovulation.

You mind needs sexual release too

I have seen some well-meaning Christian web sites that recognize the fact that human beings need regular sexual release, whether they are married or single. But because they cannot let go of church tradition, and actually see that lust is more than being sexually aroused or having sexual fantasy, they must still condemn that. So basically they tell people that they have to masturbate with no sexual thoughts whatsoever.

Let me tell you, I tried this a few times when I used to believe the way they did, and man is it brutal to try and masturbate without any sexual images in your head, or in front of you. You seriously feel like you are only partially relieved when you are done.

The reason is that our sexual release is supposed to be both a physical AND mental release for it truly give us relief. I am not sure what a woman needs to think about(since I am not a woman), but I know for sure that a man needs to think of a hot naked woman while he masturbates to truly relieve both his mind and his body of the sexual tension that has built up.

How AMCs brutalize young single men with their teachings

I remember what it was like to be a young single Christian person (20 years ago) and I understand the great sexual stress these people face. In fact I think the doctrines of AMCs are the most brutal when it comes to Christian singles.

You are told as Christian single to just concentrate on other things, put your sexual frustrations out of your mind. As young men, you are told to “bounce your eyes” anytime an attractive woman walks by. Basically if Christian men truly followed these teachings they would have to walk around everywhere looking at the ground. This is utterly ridiculous.

Other times Christian men are taught that they need to train their minds not look at women as sexual objects. Then they can look at women with no sexual arousal because they see them as a “person” and not as a “sex object”. Again if any single Christian man is reading this, if he is being honest with himself, he knows this a bunch of bologna.

I teach my teenage sons not to look at woman as ONLY objects of sexual pleasure. What that means is, there is nothing wrong with my sons accepting the fact that God wired their brains to receive sexual pleasure from just the site of a beautiful woman. She does not have to touch them, talk to them or even know they exist. Just the sight of a beautiful woman sends off pleasurable signals in a man’s mind.

It just so happens that for men, the same part of the brain that gives them pleasure from smelling their favorite foods or makes them hungry from seeing a food commercial on TV is the part that gives them pleasure from seeing a beautiful woman, whether on TV, in a magazine, or in real life.

If you are a woman – you don’t have that wiring so it will be hard for you to understand, you sexual wiring is completely different than a man’s. But if you want to roughly understand how many get pleasure just from the sight or scent of a woman, then imagine how you receive pleasure from smelling your favorite foods, or seeing a commercial for your favorite food and you partially understand how men work in this area.

But what I teach my son’s is that women are both people and objects of sexual pleasure for a man. I realize that may be very hard for many Christians, especially women to understand. Women don’t understand that many times men are objects for them as well, but men are a different kind of object for women.

For women, men are objects of physical and financial security. Women want a man who will be able to protect them and provide for them, it is built into their nature. A man’s intelligence, his ambition, his strength and assertiveness is what attracts a woman to him.

The only difference with a woman objectifying a man is that usually she has to get to know him a bit to discover if he has the qualities she desires. This is why women typically are not attracted to weak willed, unintelligent and unsuccessful men. It is true that there are many more things to a man’s personality, but these things are minimum things most women look for.

So with my daughter, I would teach her there is nothing wrong with her seeing men as objects of physical and financial security, but that she also needs to see them as people too.

So in summary – I don’t want my son’s to be whoremongers who ONLY see women as objects of sexual pleasure and I don’t want my daughter to be a gold digger who only sees men as a paycheck. But there is nothing wrong with my son’s seeing women BOTH as objects of sexual pleasure and as people, and there is nothing wrong with my daughter seeing men as BOTH objects of physical and financial security and as people as well.

Your sexual nature has no off switch

But what AMCs do, is ask you to reprogram your mind from how God designed you as a young man to be. They treat your sexual nature as one and the same with your sin nature and that is not Biblically true. God gave you a sexual nature, and he did not design you with an off switch until you get married, it only has an on switch and it turns on during puberty and never turns off for the rest of your life.

There are only two ways to relieve sexual tension

The only two ways to truly relieve sexual tension both physically and mentally is masturbation or sex with another person. Married sex (between a man and woman) is the only kind of sex between persons that God honors.

How a Single Christian person can keep themselves sexually pure by masturbating

At the end of this post I will supply a link to an article I wrote with refuting all the arguments that people try and use (even with Bible verses) against masturbation. I highly encourage you to read it. But once you read the Bible and understand there is not guilt, or shame in masturbating this is how masturbation can keep you sexually pure.

Feel free to appreciate the women around you. God made your mind able to get pleasure from women’s beauty in the same way he made your nose able to get pleasure from smelling your favorite foods. The boundary that God has set for you is that you do not start fantasying in your head about how you could approach this woman to have sex with you outside of marriage.

When you need to, masturbate to images of beautiful women whether only in your mind or pictures you have found. I wrote an entire article on Christians and nudity as well. Please see that at the end of this post. The boundary God has placed on you viewing nudity is that you cannot derive pleasure by looking at “bad porn”.

Bad porn is any photo, or film of people engaged in homosexual sex, group sex, rape sex or bestiality as all these things violate God’s design of heterosexual sex.

But there is absolutely no sin in you as a man enjoying paintings or pictures of nude women or even couples engaged in normal heterosexual sex as God designed it. You were wired by God to think about and appreciate the female form, and to think about and appreciate the thought of heterosexual sex.  This is why photos of heterosexual sex bring you so much pleasure – they are a thought put to paper – its like an instant lifelike painting.

As a man, when you look at images of beautiful women, or imagine that beautiful woman walking down the street, you relieve BOTH you mind and body of the sexual tension that has naturally built up. You will then be able to go about your normal life’s business (school, college or work) and not have to deal with this sexual stress.

Another way masturbation can keep you sexually pure as a single Christian is in your dating life. You may be finding yourself tempted to have premarital sex with your girlfriend or fiancé, and the best way to avoid this temptation is through masturbation. You can even masturbate with images of your girlfriend or fiancé in your head, or maybe you have a picture of her in a swim suit.

How a married Christian person can keep themselves sexually pure by masturbating

Single people might ask – why would you ever have to masturbate when you have an actual person that you can legally have sex with?

Well there are many reasons. Sometimes because of health reasons a couple may go long periods of time without being have to have sex. This is common for women with high risk pregnancies where the doctor may forbid sexual intercourse for a time (of course there are alternatives to intercourse). Other times a husband may be in the military and away from his wife for many months at a time.

Then there are sex drive differences between men and women. Sometimes masturbation can be a great equalizing tool to take the edge off.

Masturbation can keep married people sexually pure by allowing them to release that sexual tension before they would go and do something truly sinful. Perhaps a woman rarely has orgasms through intercourse with her husband and they have tried everything else, masturbation can keep her in check and keep her from be tempted to stray.

The same goes for a man. Maybe his wife routinely sexually denies him (which she should not do) and he is being tempted to seek out a woman at work or a prostitute for sexual relief. Masturbation can keep him in check when these thoughts and feelings arise.

Conclusion

Contrary to the teachings of AMCs, masturbation is not the enemy of Christians. It is an ally to keep them from truly sinning. It can help Christians to remain sexually pure.

Related Posts

https://thegiftofsex.com/2014/04/25/is-masturbation-wrong-for-a-christian/

https://thegiftofsex.com/2014/04/18/what-does-the-bible-say-about-lust/

https://thegiftofsex.com/2014/05/03/what-is-the-biblical-view-of-nudity/

https://thegiftofsex.com/2014/05/12/the-false-teachings-of-every-mans-battle/

Why Porn is not bad for Christians or anybody else

My Christian husband wants my panties

Holding Panties

Your husband is in the military or has a job where he may be separated from you for long periods of time. Now he is making what seems to be strange request. He asks for you to send him a pair of your panties. He makes it clear, he does not want a clean fresh pair, and he wants a pair you have worn, a pair that has your scent on them.

To many Christian women (and non-Christian women) this might seem like a perverted request. Only perverts go around smelling women’s underwear right? Wrong.

There is a difference between a man going in strange women’s homes and taking their underwear – that is a problem. If your husband starts wearing your underwear, that is a problem.

But there is no problem and no perversion in your husband who spends long periods of time away from home (very common for military families) to make this kind of request. The reason is very simple, the scent of you in your panties reminds him of you. It is a physical, tangible reminder of the woman he loves.

Many women think men are only visual creatures, but men also love a woman’s scent. This can be a huge turn on for men. This is why it is important not only for woman to perform oral sex on her husband, but also for her to allow him to perform oral sex on her. A women’s scent can be intoxicating to her husband.

Will he most likely masturbate while smelling your panties? Probably and that is OK.  The Bible never forbids masturbation.  Would you rather your husband do that(masturbate to your panties) instead of him seeking out a prostitute while he is away? I think most women would answer with a resounding yes.

I am writing this article because I recently heard of a family member who lives in another state having marriage problems. She and her husband are both Christians, he is in the Navy and she stays home to take care of their children. Over several different deployments over many years, he has asked her to send him a pair of her panties, with her scent on them. She would refuse, she made him feel perverted each time he would ask, no matter how he explained that he just wanted to feel close to her while he was gone.

She would tell him that he could just text and email, and call her to feel close. But she was not understanding how God made her husband. She was seeing things through her own female way of thinking and not his male way of feeling.

The sad part of this story is eventually her husband began seeing prostitutes while he was on deployment. He eventually admitted this to her and it almost ended their marriage. They are working through their issues in counseling now.

But this woman admitted to my mother, that she so wishes she could go back and send her husband her panties like he asked. He was reaching out for his wife’s love, and instead of meeting her husband’s need, she rejected him and made him feel like a pervert.

I truly hope Christian woman, that if you are reading this today and wondering what you should with this request from you husband, that you will respond in love. God has said your body belongs to your husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

I Corinthians 7:4(KJV)

If you husband asks for your panties when he is away, it is a compliment. It means he misses you and wants to have a part of you with him. Yes God owns our bodies, but he has rented them out to our spouses. You have a duty to give your husband whatever he requests, as long as it is not sinful, and this is not sinful.

The false teachings of Every Man’s Battle

Every Mans Battle1

Every Man’s Battle, while preaching freedom from “the slavery of sexual sin” actually enslaves men to traditions and teachings of men. It treats “maleness” as the enemy and tries to make a false contrast between “maleness” and “true manhood”. The authors of this of this book, rather than calling men to war against their sin nature, calls them to war against the male nature that God designed them with.

Every Man’ Battle was originally published in 2000 but has since spawned more books and workbooks and has been taught in churches across the country and around the world. Its authors Steven Arterburn and Fred Stoeker first convey their struggles with lust in great detail.

In fact most negative reviews of the this book come from Christians who scorn them for going into so much detail as they may be causing people to have “impure thoughts” by just describing their experiences.

A little about me

I am a born again Christian, I have been saved for over 30 years and have studied the Bible for over 20 years as an adult. I have taught Sunday school classes and filled pulpits for friends of mine (in Baptist Churches). I say all this to let you know a little of my background. I am not a preacher, but I have taught in churches and filled pulpits for Pastors.

I don’t teach in churches anymore and I don’t preach anymore because over the years I have come to have many differences with church traditions and church teachings that I have found have no scriptural support whatsoever. I won’t hijack a Pastor’s pulpit or teach his Sunday school having the differences I have (and they are more than on the topic of sex).

But there are times and places to take a stand against false teaching, even by good Christian men who have nothing but good intentions in their hearts, which I am sure Mr. Arterburn and Mr. Stoeker have. If the Apostle Paul withstood the Apostle Peter to his face over his wrong behavior, I think it is ok if I take these author’s to task in the main ideas of their book.

Church traditions and teachings are not always right, the Protestant reformation showed us that. But even the leaders of the reformation did not tear down all the false traditions, they left some intact. Even the radical reformers who were the forerunners of modern Baptists still left some false church traditions intact.

My purpose has always been to try and remove all the ruble and tradition and our cultural biases, and get down to the pure Word of God, to truly follow the noble idea of the reformers of “Sola Scriptora”, or Scripture alone.

So with that said as a backdrop on the Christian Brother who is correcting his brothers in Christ, let’s begin.

From this point forward I will refer to Every Man’s Battle by the acronym EMB.

Lust and Impure thoughts

I and other Christians who are challenging EMB’s approach to sexual temptation agree that the Bible talks a lot about Christians avoiding lust. We just don’t agree with how they have expanded the meaning of words like “lust” and “impure thoughts”. Let’s take a look now at some Biblical passages on purity and lust.

Here are some passages on Biblical purity:

“Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.”

Titus 1:15(KJV)

Here are some passages on Biblical lust:

24 To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.

25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

26 For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adultress will hunt for the precious life.

Proverbs 6:24-26(KJV)

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Matthew 5:28(KJV)

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.

Romans 6:12(KJV)

But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

Romans 13:14(KJV)

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Galatians 5:16(KJV)

Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted.

1 Corinthians 10:6(KJV)

Any surface reading of these passages would tell us as believers that God wants us to have pure thoughts and fight against the lusts of the flesh. But what does it mean to lust? What does it mean to have a pure thoughts, and a pure heart?

Biblically speaking, keeping your heart and mind pure means thinking on things that God considers to be good, honest, just and lovely. It means not thinking on things that God considers to be evil.

EMB, and many Christians from the early church on have loaded purity and lust with expanded definitions that the Bible never does. They say lust means not only thinking about luring a woman who is not married to you into having sex with you, but even the mere arousal at the sight of her form, or sexual thoughts about her(like imagining what she looks like naked) is also lust.

EMB says “impure thoughts” are any thoughts about the sexually pleasing form of a woman who is not your wife. EMB says lust is not only thinking about how you can lure a woman who is not your wife in having sex with you(whether she is married or single), but it is also thinking and deriving pleasure from the form of any woman who is not your wife.

But what does the Bible say about purity and lust?

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8(KJV)

Philippians 4:8 is one of the greatest passages in all the Bible dealing with the thought life of a Christian. God wants our thoughts to pure, he wants us to think on things which he considers to be good. But often times we read things into a Scripture passage that is not there.

Some have taken from Philippians 4 that Christians are always supposed to be thinking of rainbows, flowers and waterfalls (all beautiful things). But what about the commander in the battle field who is thinking of how to defeat his enemy and save his men? Is this also a pure thought? I would submit to you that the answer is yes. It is a virtuous thought, one of honor. Saving his men and defeating his nation’s enemy is a good thing

What if a man is a hunter, and he is thinking of the best way to catch a deer. Is this an impure thought? Of course not.

Let’s now bring this into the sexual arena. If a man is thinking of how beautiful some woman was that he saw on TV, or in the mall, or at work is this an impure thought? The answer is no. It is completely natural for a man to scan women’s forms and derive pleasure from them. EMB based on their expanded definition of lust says this is also wrong.

But does the Bible say what lust is?

Actually it does.

What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.

Romans 7:7(KJV)

Lust is covetousness. It is a common misconception in modern times that lust only applies to sexuality. Lust (which is covetousness as the Apostle Paul states) applies to desiring to possess or do anything that would be sinful to do.

If you derive pleasure from the form of a woman’s body, or even have a sexual fantasy of what it would be like to be with her, you have not lusted after her. If however, after having the fantasy about her you begin to fantasize about how you can actually take her, how you can lure her into having sex with you outside of marriage, then you have lusted after her. It really is that simple.

So in this context, an “impure thought” would be thinking about how you can get a woman into bed with you without first being married to her (that covers single women, prostitutes, and women married to other men).

The Bible’s definition of sexual immorality

The authors of this book use the term “sexual immorality” or various forms of the phrase multiple times on almost every page of the book. The definition of sexual immorality is the entire foundation of the doctrines they espouse in this book so I think we need to deal with that now. We will first compare how the Bible defines sexual immorality and then we will compare it to EMB’s definition to contrast and show the differences.

In the King James Version the word now translated as “sexual immorality” was “fornication”. This was an old English word that meant sex outside of marriage, whether that was incest, adultery, use of harlots or prostitutes and premarital sex. Some people get confused when we talk about adultery and fornication. Adultery is always fornication (it is one type of fornication), but fornication is not always adultery. Biblically speaking, Adultery only occurs when a married or single man sleeps with a married woman – that is the most literal definition of the term.

In the original Hebrew the most common word that is translated as fornication was “zanah”, or literally harlotry. In the New Testament the Greek term for sexual sin was “pornia” or a form of that word, and yes this is where we get our modern word “porn” from. Pornia was much the same as the Hebrew word in that it referred to harlotry and incest.

Some to my left have wrongly tried to argue that none of the Bible’s terms for sexual immorality forbid premarital sex. They error though in the fact that the Bible always present the only kind of sex between a man and woman that God honors is within the bounds of marriage. In fact in the Old Testament if you had premarital sex with a virgin who was not pledged to be married – you were forced to marry her and pay her father the bride price. God never looked positively on premarital sex.

I agree with the authors of EMB based upon Ezekiel 23 that God does condemn sexual foreplay between non-married persons. Some have tried to argue that God only condemns intercourse, but he does truly condemn any blatantly sexual touching of the erogenous zones by non-married people.

This is how the Bible defines fornication (or as it is now translated “sexual immorality”):

  1. Unlawful physical sexual contact – Any physical sexual contact between a non-married man and woman is forbidden in the Scriptures. This would obviously include fondling of breasts or genitals, oral sex and intercourse. Any other physical contact that is not sexual foreplay would not be forbidden.
  2. Lustful (covetous) thoughts – Any thought about getting a person you are not married to, to have sex with you outside of marriage is sin. Just the thought, just the fantasy of trying to lure them into having sex with you outside of marriage is a sin, even if you never act on it.

Now in contrast to how the Bible defines sexual immorality, let’s see how EMB broadens and expands God’s definition.

EMB’s expanded definition of sexual immorality

EMBs authors, much like the Jewish religious teachers who came before Christ, have sought to broaden God’s definition of sexual immorality.

They would add a third type of sexual immorality to the two items I shown above.

EMB says that if you become sexually aroused simply by the visual sight of any woman you are not married to then you have sinned. They would also say any sexual fantasizing about any woman other than your wife is also sin. EMB also condemns masturbation.

Now I will give a few quotes to illustrate their broadening of God’s definition of sexual immorality:

For males, impurity of the eyes is sexual foreplay

EMB – pg.66

Masturbation while fantasizing about another woman besides your wife or “fantasy intercourse” while dreaming is the same doing it. Remember the standard Jesus set? “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit ‘adultery’. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.(Matthew 5:27-28)…

Impurity of the eyes provides definite sexual gratification. Isn’t that foreplay? When you see a hot movie scene, is there a twitch below your belt…No doubt about it, Visual sexual gratification is a form of sex for men. As males we draw sexual gratification and chemical highs through our eyes.

EMB – pg. 68

So as you can see, the authors here have expanded God’s definition of sexual immorality from the two points I gave above. Specifically they have expanded the definition of Biblical lust. I will say in their defense that they are following church tradition. The early church father’s fell into the error of teaching that sex was a necessary evil only for reproductive purposes.

Our author’s probably feel enlightened compared to them by telling people that sexual desire is not bad within the confines of marriage.

I will stand firm in telling you, challenging you, to find any Scripture passage that says sexual arousal, desire or fantasy in and of themselves are wrong. Sexual covetousness is wrong, but arousal and fantasy in and of themselves are not wrong.

A word on what is, and what is not Sexual foreplay

EMB expands sexual foreplay to having any pleasurable thoughts or sexual fantasies about a woman who is not your wife. As I said earlier I agree that foreplay is forbidden, but having thoughts about someone’s form or what it would be like to have sex with them is NOT foreplay.

Sexual Foreplay requires the interaction of two people, either through visual flirtation, physical flirtation, or audio flirtation sexually trying to arouse one another. It is a two person activity.  So yes this would by definition, make phone sex, or web cam sex with anyone other than your spouse, sinful sexual foreplay even though you are not actually touching them.

It is impossible to have sexual foreplay with inanimate objects(like pictures and movies), or even with an actual person without their express interaction with you.

But someone might say “Ah wait, a man can make unwanted sexual advances toward a woman can’t he?” Yes he can, he might grab a woman inappropriately or brush against her giving himself sexual pleasure by doing so.  He may say sexual things to her, or comment on her body.  But if she is not positively receiving these actions, but either ignores them or acts negatively towards them, this is not by definition sexual foreplay – it is actually sexual harassment – which is completely different(and is also sinful).

It is absolutely ridiculous to assert that a man is having sexual foreplay when he is aroused by(or even fantasizes about) a picture of a woman, a movie of with a woman, or the sight of an actual woman who is not actually engaging with him.

What about Matthew 5 and Job 31?

The authors of EMB address these two famous passages in the Bible about a man lusting after a woman, in an attempt to broaden God’s definition of sexual immorality. There is a great article on these two passages that you should look into:

What does the Bible say about Lust?

I will summarize it by saying this. When Jesus talked about lusting after a woman, the word lust is talking about a sinful covetousness. The sinful desire was him fantasying about getting a married woman to sleep with him – that is what sexual lust is in the Bible.

Job 31 deals with lust as it relates to single people. Job was saying he made a covenant with his eyes not to “think” on maid. In other words, he would not look at a young single woman and fantasize about how he could have sex with her outside of marriage, this would include looking at prostitutes and thinking about he might hire them. So yes I agree with the authors of EMB that both Matthew 5 and Job 31 both talk about sexual sin in the mind. But the sexual sin is that of sexual covetousness, or of desiring to get someone to have sexual contact with you outside of marriage. Just the thought of that, even if it is never acted on, is sin.

Being aroused by the sight of a woman who is not your wife is stealing?

This is not new to EMB. I heard this all growing up in church during youth group.

Though saved and free to walk purely, I had still chosen to look at women in dishonor.

Oh don’t be so hard yourself, one might say. It’s natural for a male to look. That’s part of or nature. It’s natural for a male to look. But what you’re doing is stealing. The impure thought life is the life of a thief. You’re stealing images that aren’t yours. When you had premarital sex, you touched someone who didn’t belong to you. When you looked down the blouse of a woman who isn’t you wife, you were stealing something that isn’t yours to take. It’s just like walking down Main Street behind someone who drops a one-hundred-dollar bill out of his pocket, and you pick it up….

Similarly, if a woman’s blouse falls open, you can’t say “Hey, that’s in my sight line, I get to have that” No, you have look away. Otherwise you’re a thief. You need to leave that valuable creation in the hands of God and her husband or her future husband.

EMB – pg.72

Are they kidding? Let me be clear on something – looking at a woman, whether fully clothed, partially clothed or nude is NOT stealing anything! If I go into a restaurant and I enjoy the smell and look of the food on various people’s plates as I walk to my booth is that the same as if I picked up their plate off the table and started eating their food? The answer is no.

The beauty of women belongs to world, in the same way that the beauty of a tree belongs to all of us.

Group of Women

If I drive down the street and see a beautiful apple tree in my neighbor’s yard am I stealing from him if I look at the beauty of his tree, or even if it makes me hungry for an apple? The answer is no. If I go and grab an apple off his tree, then I have stolen.

Now when I say a woman’s beauty belongs to the world that does not mean I think women should be walking around nude all the time (although I do think there is a place for nudity in art and photography). See my article on Christians and nudity for more on that.

What is the Biblical View of Nudity?

What it does mean is that I have no problem with my wife or my daughter wearing attractive clothing. I just don’t want them dressing like prostitutes or whores. But unlike many Muslim men, and also some Christian men, I don’t expect every inch of wife and daughter’s skin to be covered.

The Bible says to everything there is a time and a season. So in the summer time, I don’t have a problem with my daughter wearing shorts. When my daughter goes in swimming pools when we go to hotels I don’t have a problem with her wearing bathing suits, even two piece bathing suits. I believe everything father has to decide where the line is and my daughter understands my line.

But to force a woman to completely cover her body from head to toe at all times is like having a beautiful rose garden and then building a 20 foot wall all around it so no one else can enjoy its beauty besides you.

A woman’s body belongs to her husband or future husband alone, but her beauty belongs to the world.

Is Masturbation a sin?

The authors of EMB make several broad attacks on masturbation to include it in their broadened definition of sexual immorality. It is kind of funny that the authors acknowledge the Scriptures are silent on masturbation, but then they turn around say for us to be holy we need to stop masturbating.

“Scripture is silent on the topic of masturbation. Some might even make a case that isolated instances of masturbation to relieve sexual tension are okay, if you’re focusing on your wife, not some supermodel, during periods of separation and illness. Wanton masturbation, tied to pornography or whatever gets your motor running, is always sin, putting distance between you and God. If you desire holiness, you must stop masturbating.”

EMB – pg.105

So let’s get this straight, the Scriptures are silent on masturbation, but if we want to be holy we have to stop masturbating? Sounds like the authors are preaching the commands of men as the commands of God.

But in all fairness to the authors of EMB, as well as a host of Christian teachers who teach against masturbation – here is the real issue. Because of how they define Biblical “lust”, masturbation must be wrong. I agree with them that most masturbation would involve some sexual fantasy with someone of the opposite sex.

Masturbation while trying to clear all sexual imagery from one’s mind may be possible, but it is grueling. It is like trying to eat food without tasting it or enjoying it, just quickly swallowing it before it can touch your taste buds.

I honestly think that many of these anti-masturbation advocates sit up at night wondering why God did not just give them a law against masturbation so we could get rid of this pesky issue once and for all. What they don’t realize is, the silence of the Scriptures on masturbation actually speaks against their expanded definition of Biblical lust.

If it were truly sin to be aroused by, or derive sexual pleasure from just seeing a woman’s form (whether fully clothed, partially clothed or fully nude) and this gratification naturally leads to a desire to masturbate, why would God have not addressed such an important sin of masturbation? The silence on the subject speaks volumes.

I wrote a lengthy article subject of Christians and masturbation here:

Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?

To summarize what I wrote, masturbation in and of itself is not wrong for a Christian. The authors of EMB are correct that the scriptures are silent on this issue. I wrote that masturbation can become wrong when it becomes obsessive to the point that it interferes in our work, church, marriage or other interpersonal relationships.

The ultimate purpose of our sex drive and sexual natures is to help provide oneness in our marriage and for procreation. However while these are the ultimate purposes for our sex drives, it is not the only reason. Orgasms provide mental relief from various stresses. It also provides an invaluable way to release sexual tension, especially for single people so they will not fall into actual sexual sin.

This brings me to the next subject of singles and sex.

Single men

EMB and Sexuality for Single people

“..the question for singles remains: What are you going to do with the sexual pressure you sometimes feel? First of all, you have to take by faith that once you get your eyes and mind under control, the sexual pressure will drop off dramatically. You bring most of the pressure onto yourself through visual sensual stimulation and mental fantasy.

Even so, there remains the male seventy-two-hour cycle of sperm production. Without the impurity of the eyes, the pressure generated by lust is gone, but there’s still a natural physical pressure for release, though much weaker. “What am I going to do about that?” you might ask. “How will I get release?”

God has supplied the way of release, something with which you’re familiar. Clinically it’s called “nocturnal emissions”.

EMB – Pg.109-110

There is very little research on nocturnal emissions. What we do know is that it is caused by having an orgasm or ejaculation during sleep from what many would call a “wet dream”. EMB actually tries to say your dreams will be “purer” by their definition of purity during these times.

Let me just be as straight as I can on this. This is one of the biggest bunches of bologna in EMB. Nocturnal emissions are not going to solve your need for sexual release (orgasm). Your body has to have sexual releases, whether from conscious stimuli (both mental and physical) while you are awake, or from unconscious stimuli while you sleep – that’s it plain and simple.

EMB talks about people who claimed to have not masturbated for years whether with their techniques or others. Of course they claim this is not just a matter of will power, but also the power of God. They say that as you starve your mind of all sexual imagery and learn to bounce your eyes, the pressure just gradually goes away. All of this is utterly and completely unprovable! Do they have people following these people around everywhere, 24 hours a day to make sure they never masturbate? Do they have people reading their minds to make sure they are not having erotic thoughts?

Maleness vs Manhood

Maleness vs Manhood is a major theme in this book. But what the author’s do is to ask men to go to war with their male tendencies as if they are part of the sinful nature.

The author’s after attacking the natural male ability to receive pleasure from visually stimulating women or images of women, then try and reign in their comments with these words:

“If we get into sexual sin naturally-just by being male-then how do we get out? We can’t eliminate our maleness, and we’re sure we don’t want to.

For instance, we want to look at our wives and desire them. They’re beautiful to us, and we’re sexually gratified when we gaze at them, often daydreaming about the night ahead and what bedtime will bring. In its proper place, maleness is wonderful.

We must choose to be more than male. We must choose manhood.”

EMB – Pg.71

Sin is not caused by our “maleness”, it is caused by our sin nature. Our sin nature tempts us to go beyond God’s limits, just as Adam and Eve went beyond the limits God set for them in the Garden of Eden.

For instance, men have a tendency to more aggressive than women. It is what makes men better in sports, business and combat than woman. God built this natural aggressiveness into man to make him a good hunter and provider. But a man’s God given, naturally aggressive nature can lead him into trouble when he uses his aggression in a negative way that goes outside the boundaries God has established.

For instance when my son played basketball his coach got on him for not being more aggressive. He needed to dig into his natural male aggression to fight to get that ball. However other team mates of his were too aggressive and breaking the rules of the game and getting foul calls all the time, and the coach had to have them pull back on their over-aggressiveness.

In the same way our male sexuality is not a sinful thing. Our appreciation of the female form and the chemical pleasure fireworks that go off in our head form seeing the female form are not sinful.

We get into sinful behavior when we begin to lust after(covet) a woman in the sense that we begin to think about how we can get a single woman to have sex outside of marriage with us, or how we can get a married woman to cheat on her husband and have sex with us. Simply being aroused by and enjoying a woman’s female form is not sin.

The author’s here try to put a much smaller boundary around our male sexuality than God does. The authors of EMB falsely tell us that the only woman we can receive sexual pleasure from seeing is our wife. That is a box that God NEVER put around male sexuality.

I agree with EMB authors about sexual addiction

While there may a few disagreements over how we define sexual addition, I agree with the authors that sexual addiction can be a problem for some people. Just like there are food addicts, there are sex addicts. It is when we take a good thing that God created for our benefit, and we over use it and become obsessed with it to the neglect of other areas of our life.

As I have pointed out here and many other places on my blog, I do not see any problem from a Biblical standpoint with being visually sexually aroused and masturbating. But where it can become wrong is if you start to look at women as only sexual objects. If it interferes with your intimacy with your wife then you need to get your masturbation back under control. If it interferes with your job where you looking at nude images where you work then it is a problem.

If you are food addict, you don’t stop eating, you start controlling how much you eat. If you are sex addict, you don’t stop having sex, or even masturbating, you simply control how often you do those things. If you are beginning to see women as nothing more than sex objects, then you need to get some counseling to help you with that.

Women are objects of sexual desire for men, to say otherwise would be a lie. In the same way that women are objects of sexual desire for men, men are objects of physical and financial security for many women. But for men to see women as ONLY objects of sexual desire, and not also as people with their own feelings, wants and desires is wrong. We cannot separate a woman’s sexual appeal from her humanity.

The teachings of EMB as well as majority of Christian churches causes people to fall into sexual sin

Because of their adding extra rules to God’s boundaries around sex, EMB and other likeminded Christian teachers have actually caused many Christian men and women to fall into sin. The reason is that they are not allowing people to have any normal sexual release outside of sex within marriage, when God does allow it.

When people are completely denied any sexual release, sometimes it leads to very perverted behavior. The Catholic Priest sex scandals are a perfect example of this. I truly believe that if these priests were allowed to be married and have normal outlets for sexual release many of these things would not have occurred.

I have pointed out in my article on masturbation, and in my article on Christians and nudity that it is not wrong for a man (or a woman) to look at a nude image. It is wrong for someone to look at pornography because those are photos or movies of actual people committing actual fornication.

What happens with many Christians is because they have been taught all nudity and all sexual fantasy is wrong, they go right to the hard stuff, right to the pornography. The reason is they figure, if all of it is sin, then you might as well go big. I used to be in that camp when I struggled with my highly sexual nature.

I have stated this many times on this blog. My wife has many health problems and there been many periods of time where we could not have sex. This used to be a horrible struggle for me as I thought every time I masturbated or fantasized sexually I was sinning. I lived under a cloud of guilt constantly asking God to forgive me.

As I was studying biology (specifically brain structure and chemistry differences between men and women) for a different subject (gender roles) I came to the realization – we are built as sexual beings. Sexuality is even bigger in most men than most women. Our visual drive, and need for variety is hardwired into the male brain. We can no more stop appreciating the beauty of a woman, than appreciating that sugar is sweet.

So you have a choice. You can follow EMBs teachings that add to the Bible. You can try to “bounce your eyes” and “starve” yourself of any visual sexual pleasure, other than your wife if you are married. You can walk around with your head staring at the ground everywhere you go, you can get rid of your TV so you will never see another sexy woman on a commercial or TV program. If you believe EMB’s expanded definition of Biblical lust than this is what you must do.

You must declare war on your maleness, until you have squeezed into the tight little box they would have you put it in, only then will you be in their eyes, a true man.

Or you can try a different path, one where you can have sexual release without sinning, and without guilt.

So if EMB is wrong, how should men handle the battle against sexual temptation?

At end of this review, I now want to offer a positive plan for Christians who want to keep from having premarital sex and also stay away from pornography.

You must first overcome your guilt about masturbation

One of the major themes in EMB is the guilt that is associated with masturbation. They say this is one of the indicators that tells us masturbation is wrong. I would submit to you that the only reason many men feel guilt when they masturbate is because they have been told it was wrong either by their parents or by their church.

When men and women realize that masturbation is not much different than having a bowl movement or urinating the guilt goes away. Masturbation releases pressure in the mind and body. But just like bowel movements and urinating, we don’t need to go around talking about it. I don’t tell people how many bowel movements I had last week, any more than I tell people how many times I masturbated last week. But we all know we need to have bowel movements, and we all know we need to have orgasms, whether through sex with our spouse when we are married, or by ourselves in the act of masturbation.

As a Christian you need to have faith that masturbation is a natural tool for sexual release that God has given you to keep you pure for marriage. It is also a tool that he has given married people to equalize out the differences in sex drives as well as help during times when one spouse cannot have sex.

Sexy brunette in black lingerie

You need to overcome issues with nudity

Another thing that many Christians, and even non-Christians have been taught is that viewing nude images of women, or sexually fantasizing about women is wrong. Christians like the authors of EMB teach that this a violation of the Bible’s command for people not lust. Non-Christians(mostly feminists) say if you are receiving sexual gratification from looking at someone you are “objectifying them”.

Regarding looking at other women EMB states:

“You don’t even know this woman; who are you to be attracted to her?”

EMB – pg. 151

This reminds me of a woman I was talking to in a Christian forum a while back. She said a man has no right to be attracted to a woman he does not know anything about. She said the shallowest thing a man can do is walk up to a woman at party or gathering and ask for her phone number, real attraction must be more than that. She said that is an example of “objectifying women”. While I agree you would not want to marry someone on looks alone, the act of simply being drawn to someone and asking them out because they are attractive is not shallow, it is how men are designed by God.

As a man, you must realize that you can look at women as both people with thoughts, feelings and desires and as objects of sexual pleasure. Many feminists and Christians will try to tell you must choose between seeing women as people or objects of sexual pleasure, but that is a false dichotomy, because they are both. Sexual deviants, molesters and rapists come to see women as ONLY objects of sexual pleasure and that is why they do the horribly wicked things they do.

But for the health of your mind, you have to see them as both people and objects of sexual pleasure. If you try to deny either, you will have problems. If you deny a woman’s personhood, you will become a sexual deviant. If you deny that women are also objects of sexual pleasure, you will cause your body and mind to become overwhelmed because you convince yourself you cannot look at women and derive pleasure from them. You will become like someone who is constipated walking around but never able to get any relief.

It is no more a sin for you to see a Victoria Secret commercial and feel horny than it is for you to see a pizza commercial and feel hungry. The issue comes in what you do when you are hungry or horny.

If I see a commercial for pizza, get hungry, order a pizza and then when the delivery guy comes I knock him out and steal the pizza I have sinned. If however I pay for the pizza after being made hungry by the commercial no sin has occurred.

If I am married and see a Victoria Secret commercial, get horny and then go have sex with my wife no sin has occurred. If I am single or married, see a Victoria Secret commercial, get horny, and then go masturbate to those images in my mind, I have not sinned.

The difference in marriage is, you need to be careful that your masturbation does interfere with your ability to have regular relations with your wife. It should be used as a supplement to sexual intercourse with your wife, but it should never replace it or interfere with it.

If as a single or married person, I get horny from a Victoria Secret commercial, and then go and look up pornography, and masturbate to it – I have sinned. Why? Because I am receiving pleasure from watching other people fornicate.

If as a single or married person, I look up pictures of nude women (not images of pornography) and I masturbate to those images, no sin has occurred.

Freedom

Conclusion

I have presented two choices to you. The first choice is to believe that EMB’s and many other Christians expanded definition is what lust actually is. You will be at war with your natural male urges to receive pleasure from looking at beautiful women, and you will spend most of your life looking at the ground.

Your other choice is to embrace the freedom that God has given you, and the natural tools he has given you for sexual release. As a man, realize that the most natural thing in the world is for you to derive pleasure from viewing a woman’s form, it is no different than deriving pleasure from a beautiful field of flowers.   Your need to for sexual release, for orgasms, is no different than your need to have bowel movements or to urinate.

Something I did not address in this is post is, as a man you also have a need for variety. Men are naturally polygynous. Just because we are living in a modern Western culture that treats polygamy as perverted does not make it so. Study the Old Testament and you will find many of the Old Testament patriarchs were polygamists. The Bible NEVER condemns this and the Mosaic Law actually regulates how polygamy is to occur.

Just recognize that while God has given you a natural mechanism for sexual release, and the gift of sexual arousal, he has also placed boundaries on how far you may go. You cannot get involved in sexual foreplay, oral sex or intercourse until you are married. You cannot look at pornography because that is deriving pleasure from real people committing fornication.

But you can feel free to walk through a mall or store, or any other gathering of people and see a beautiful woman and derive pleasure from her form. One of the purest things in the world is a man admiring the form of a beautiful woman. When you are feeling the need for sexual release, imagine a gorgeous woman and give your mind and body the release it needs through masturbation.

If you are single person and dating, masturbation can be your best friend. Masturbating before you go on dates can keep you from getting into sexual foreplay and premarital sex. Just honor God’s boundaries, and accept the freedom he has given you.

Yes every man does face a battle.  But it is not a battle against his God given “maleness”, but against the sin of covetousness. His battle is against thinking about trying to lure women he is not married to into bed, whether they are single or married to other women. He battle is against engaging in premarital sexual foreplay, oral sex or intercourse.  His battle is not against his God given design, or the natural mechanisms by which God has given him the ability to receive pleasure and have sexual release before and even during marriage.

 

 

My husband never performs oral sex on me

Detail_of_Édouard-Henri_Avril_(23)

You’re frustrated and upset. Why would he not do something that is so easy to do and gives you so much pleasure?

What you are asking for is natural and normal

Let me first start off by saying there is nothing unnatural, or perverted or selfish about you wanting your husband to perform oral sex on you. Men have been performing oral sex on their wives for thousands of years. The image below is an ancient drawing in Pompeii.

Pompeii_-_Terme_Suburbane_-_Apodyterium_-_Scene_IV

So now that you understand your need for your husband to perform oral sex on you is completely normal, let’s look at the reasons why he might not be doing it.

These are a few of the reasons men either stop performing oral sex (otherwise known as Cunnilingus).

  1. You don’t perform oral sex on him (otherwise known as Fellatio).
  2. You don’t keep yourself clean down there.
  3. You have never told him you would like it.
  4. You have stopped him from going down there when you are near your period.
  5. You don’t have sex with him as often as he would like.
  6. He doesn’t want to because he thinks it is unmanly
  7. He thinks you should be completely satisfied with his penis in intercourse.
  8. Some men have been taught oral sex is unchristian

You don’t perform oral sex on him

You can’t expect someone to do something for you, that you are not willingly to do for them. It is the height of hypocrisy. So if you realize that you are not doing this for him, then you need to.

You don’t keep yourself clean down there

When it comes to sex, and ESPECIALLY oral sex, cleanliness truly is next to Godliness. Ladies make sure you are regularly making sure your vulva is clean. Ask him if he likes it better shaved or unshaved. I personally like public hair on my wife. It is sexy and natural and it is the mark of a woman. Realize though that keeping yourself clean does not mean you need to wipe out your female scent, for many men that is turn on.

You never told him you would like it

This is one a lot of women miss. They just assume their husbands should know they want oral sex performed on them. Well some guys are just dumb. For me personally it is a big turn on, and I wish my wife would let me perform oral sex on her more often. I know you are frustrated, but you need to keep your composure.

The first method of communication I would suggest is talking to your husband outside the bedroom in a kind and unthreatening way. Many men take great pride in their love making ability, and this can come as a great punch to the gut. So make sure you tread lightly.

The second method of communication I would suggest is in the bedroom. While you are having sex, tell him you would love him to “eat my pussy”. You could use nonverbal communication and try to gently push him down there.

You have stopped him from going down there when you are near your period.

Perhaps your husband used to perform oral sex on you, but there were a few times that you stopped him because you were near your period or on your period and you were worried about not being so fresh down there. That is a perfectly acceptable reason to stop him.

But you need to do it gently, and just give him a brief explanation that you are near or on your period. When you are done with your period you need to go out of your way to make sure he knows you are “open for business”.

You don’t have sex with him as often as he would like

Often times a man will pull back on the special things when you don’t have sex with him as often as he likes. Some women only get horny a few times a month, and on those few times they want all the stops pulled out. But they may not realize that they have been denying their husband, or just phoning it when he has needed more often than them.

Some men may consciously, or unconsciously withhold oral sex and other foreplay and go straight to intercourse with their wife to protest the lack of quantity of sex. You need to make sure you are meeting his needs for quantity, so that in turn maybe your need for quality will be met better.

He doesn’t want to because he thinks it is unmanly

This is one as a man I just don’t get. Pleasing your woman is bed is as manly as it gets. Short of a woman using a strap on and performing anal sex on her husband, I can’t really think of any other sex acts that a man should consider to be unmanly.

I will talk about how to handle situations like this shortly as my answer will be the same for these last few items.

He thinks you should be completely satisfied with his penis in intercourse.

This is simply a pride issue, nothing more, nothing less. He is not thinking what will really satisfy you or give you pleasure, he is thinking of what he wants you to feel.

Some men have been taught oral sex is unchristian

There are some churches, as well as some Christian families that teach their sons and daughters that oral sex is a sin. This is one of the most difficult obstacles to overcome. It is not easy to ask someone to do something against their conscious.

Conclusion and Suggestions

The first five reasons your husband might not be performing oral sex on you have to do with you. You need to make sure you are doing right, and clearly communicating to your husband what your needs are. You need to meet his sexual needs for frequency or oral sex before you can come to him with your needs.

But many women reading this post will be saying “But I have done EVERYTHING you have said, and he still does not do it!” So what do you do now?

You need to pray hard about what you do next. This is an issue I struggle with my wife about. These are your choices on how to handle this situation when it is clearly a problem in his court:

  1. If he likes oral sex and you have been performing it, then stop doing it. See how long it takes him to notice and when he asks tell him that if he is not willing to perform it on you, you are unwilling to perform it on him. I realize some may say this is an unloving act, but it is an act of tough love.
  2. If this is a religious conviction for him where he won’t let you even perform oral sex on him, then you may need to take a different approach. I would suggest trying take him to a Christian counselor who does not believe oral sex is wrong, and let them explain from the Scriptures why it is not wrong. If he is unwilling to go to a counselor, the use the verses on this site to go through and show him that oral sex is in fact in the book of Song of Solomon.
  3. If neither of the first two methods work just continue to pray for him. Believe me I know how frustrating this is, as I said I face the same issue with my wife. But as Christians this is not a legitimate grounds for divorce, as horribly frustrating as it may be.

The reality is that some of us are just sexually mismatched with the person we are married to. Some men and women have a much greater need for high quality, toe curling sex, while others just want to go in and do the deed and be done. We simply need to pray, pray, pray.

But then there is the sexual fantasy arena…

I have written on this site extensively on the subjects of nudity, masturbation and sexual fantasy. There is nothing wrong with you masturbating and imagining your husband performing oral sex on you, or looking at drawings or paintings of men performing oral sex on women. Looking at actual people can be pornography(which would be wrong), but there are a few sites that have married people performing oral sex so that would not be sin. I will be trying to post links to images I think would be ok for Christians in the coming months. Also there is nothing wrong with reading erotic novels that may describe oral sex and then masturbating to those things you are imagining.

I realize sexual fantasy is a far cry from the real thing, and it should never become something that makes you give up on trying to make your sex life better with your husband. But it can act as supplement, or band aid of sorts, for what is lacking in your sexual relationship with your husband.

Before you completely dismiss what I am saying about masturbation and fantasy and nudity please read this articles where I wrote extensively on these subjects:

What is the Biblical view of nudity

Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?

What is the Biblical view of nudity?

Caillebotte_Gustave_Femme_Nue_Etendue_Sur_Un_Divan2

There are two extremes when it comes to Christians viewing nudity. One extreme says it is ok for all ages and all people to be naked at all times. The other extreme says that nudity is forbidden except in the case of parents with caring for children, adult children caring for parents, medical attention and of course marriage.

In this page I will present Biblical evidence for why I believe it is not always wrong for a Christian to view nudity. But let me be clear though, that this paper is not a defense of Christian nudism. The Bible says:

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven”.

Ecclesiastes 3:1(KJV)

Shouldn’t we wear clothes so we won’t cause others to lust?

For most Christians the issue of lust would be the first concern with people being unclothed in front of strangers. They say that if everyone walked around naked then we would constantly be lusting after each other and the Bible clearly condemns lust.

Here is a great article about what Biblical lust is:

http://biblicalgenderroles.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-lust/

In summary, Biblical lust is not simply being turned on by viewing a person’s body, whether fully clothed, partially clothed or completely nude. It is not even having a sexual fantasy or dream about that person. Biblical lust, is covetousness. To lust after someone, is to covet them, to fantasize about how you can possess that person.

There are two main Biblical passages that talk about lusting after someone (yes there are only two) and each one deals with a different kind of lust.

Lusting after a single woman

“I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?”

Job 31:1(KJV)

This passage from Job describes the first type of Biblical lust, which is lusting after a single woman. This is talking about a man looking at an unmarried woman (a virgin in most cases) and thinking about how he can entice her into having sex with him outside of marriage. In no way is this saying Job never looked at any single woman – that is a ridiculous assumption.

It is also equally ridiculous in my understanding of this passage, to say that Job was never turned on or sexually attracted to a young single woman (even after being married). He was simply saying he had made a covenant with his eyes not to look on a single woman and think about how he could get her into bed without marrying her, this is the plain and simple truth of this passage. But in no way does Job 31:1 condemn sexual arousal or sexual fantasy toward someone of the opposite sex that you are not married to. It can become wrong, if it becomes obsessive or affects relationships or leads to covetous (lustful) thoughts, but sexual arousal and the pleasure from enjoying the view of a single woman’s body is not sinful.

Lusting after a married woman

27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28(KJV)

This passage from Matthew 5 is from Christ’s Sermon on the Mount. This passage describes the second type of Biblical lust, lusting after a married woman. The context is clearly talking about a man looking at a married woman because the word adultery only applies to married women. The word fornication most of the time refers to unmarried people, but sometimes it can apply to married persons as well.

What Christ is saying here is that if a man looks on a woman and lusts after her that he has sinned. But again lust is here is covetousness, and covetousness is the desire to possess something in a sinful way.

When it comes to a married woman, it is not wrong for a man to look on her and appreciate her form. It is not wrong that her form and face give him pleasure, it not even wrong for him to have some sexual thought or fantasy about her. Where it becomes wrong is when his thoughts turn to covetousness (or lust), and he begins to think about how he can entice her into cheating on her husband, or leaving her husband.

Summary of the two types of Biblical Lust

So let me try and summarize how the two types of Biblical lust work. Say for instance that my neighbor has this cool classic car he has rebuilt. I love looking at that car through my front window. The simple fact that I love his car, or fantasize about driving it down the highway is not sin. The sin comes in when I think about how I may steal his car, how I can take it in an illegal or unethical way. But if I offer him a fair amount and purchase the car that would not be wrong. So I desired the car, I thought about the car, and then I purchased the car, no sin has been committed.

If the car symbolized a single woman, then the car’s owner would be her father. If I have thoughts and fantasizes about how I can entice a single girl into having sex with me without us first being married I am lusting after another man’s daughter. But if I were to date the man’s daughter, and then eventually ask for her hand in marriage and marry her – no sin has been committed. I looked at her, desired her, and married her.

If the car symbolized a married woman then the car’s owner would be her husband. If I have thoughts and fantasizes about how I can entice his wife to cheat on her husband, or leave him for me then I am lusting after another man’s wife. Unlike the single woman analogy, I can never have this married woman so that is why a little more caution needs to take place so that our normal sexual desire, and pleasure from appreciating the form of a married woman, does not turn into lust(covetousness).

But doesn’t the Bible say women should dress modestly?

I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

I Timothy 2:8-12(KJV)

The context of this famous “modesty” passage is that of worship. It is talking about how people are to behave and act when they assemble for worship and instruction in the Word of God. Today when people hear “modest” they think of one of two things, either something small and simple (like a “modest salary”) or something not too revealing or sexy.

Paul’s meaning is probably a little of both. He is saying women should wear clothes that cover them appropriately and are not too costly when they came to worship together. Paul did not want the church turning into a fashion show. The Greek word that we translate in English as “apparel” is “Katastole”. Katastole actually comes from two Greek words, Kata and Stole which literally refers to a “complete stola”. A stola in New Testament times was a one piece robe with holes for the head and arms. Often times a strap would be worn around the middle below the breasts to give the stola some form around the body. Sometimes a stola had sleeves, other times it was sleeveless.

Keep in mind though, that the wealthier a roman was, the more clothing they wore. The poor men and women wore very simple stolas. These images will give you an idea of the clothing during the New Testament time. But the clothing depicted below would have been that of wealthier citizens. Poorer people or servants would have worn thinner and simpler clothing.

ClothingInAncientRome

The image above shows a lot of different dress styles for both men and women. Some of the men have more clothing than others, one of the women is wearing a short sleeve stola and the other a long sleeve.

Statue_of_a_young_Roman_woman

The statue above shows another stola

Roman_school

The picture above shows an ancient Roman school. Notice how the clothing these men are wearing is much simpler than what was shown of men above. This indicates people had more dressy clothing as simpler clothing just as we have dress clothing and simpler clothing today.

But women also wore less at times as illustrated in this ancient roman painting of women playing sports in their version of bikinis:

Ancient_Romans_Wearing_Bikinis_in_sport

I showed all this to put in context what Paul was saying. Paul was saying that women should wear appropriate clothing for worship and yes the stola probably would have covered most their bodies, unless they were sleeveless as many stola’s were. Basically Paul was saying that women should not be coming to worship dressed like these athletes, or even in work attire which would be smaller less fancy stolas. But this was for worship only. He was not saying they had to wear all these layers of clothing all the time, or that there might not be appropriate times for shorter stolas or less clothes like these women above where wearing as the played sports.

In this section we proved two points. For worship we should wear, complete, appropriate and modest clothing. We don’t want church to look like a brothel, or like a fashion show.   We also showed that in Roman times women did wear less clothing in some circumstances, and Paul does not extend his clothing standards beyond the assembly of the church for worship.

So why should we wear clothes?

388px-John_Liston_Byam_Shaw_The_Woman_The_Man_the_Serpent

Adam and Eve

As a general rule we should wear clothes because God clothed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden as well as the fact that in the new heaven and new earth people are seen wearing clothes.

9 And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.

11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

21 Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

Genesis 1:9-11 & 21(KJV)

Christian nudist and others try to claim the only reason Adam and Eve needed clothing was because of their sin. I believe that God would have clothed them at some point anyway. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil gave them the insight that clothing represented dignity and honor. Men and women being clothed is an outward symbol that separates man from every other creature on this planet.

Think about it – every animal on this planet has a natural clothing that protects them from the elements, man had no such natural protection. I believe it was inevitable, whether man or woman sinned that God would have eventually clothed Adam and Eve.

Look in Revelation where there is no sin anymore and the saints are clothed in white:

After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands;

Revelation 7:9(KJV)

So yes as a general rule, people should wear clothing.

Nakedness in the scriptures is often associated with poverty and shame

21 And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.

22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.

23 And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness.

24 And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.

25 And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.

26 And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.

Genesis 9:21-26(KJV)

Right after the flood when civilization is just beginning to be rebuilt, one of Noah’s three sons, Ham, does something that causes his father to curse him. This issue was not that he saw his father’s nakedness, the fact was he went out making fun of his father’s nakedness to his brothers.

In the Law of Moses, he states several commands about “uncovering nakedness”:

 None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord.

Leviticus 18:6(KJV)

The phrase “to uncover their nakedness”, literally is to have sex with them. This passage lists several close family relations that are forbidden, parents with children, as well as forbidding men to marry a woman and her daughter, or a woman and her sister. These are all about sex, and marriage.

In fact the same “uncover nakedness” language is talked about with a man and his wife:

Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness.

Leviticus 18:19(KJV)

This was one of the many cleanliness laws of Israel (which of course we are no longer any more) which forbid men from having sex with their wives when they were on their periods.

Nakedness was also associated with the shame of slavery as slaves were stripped naked for inspection when being sold.

SlaveMarketInAncientRome

A positive display of nakedness

So it is clear that clothing represents dignity and honor, while nakedness MOST of the time, represents shame. But an event with King David tells us nakedness is not always a shame:

14 And David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.

15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet.

16 And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart…

20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!

21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the Lord, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel: therefore will I play before the Lord.

22 And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honour.

23 Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death.

II Samuel 2:14-16 & 20-23(KJV)

Basically David was excited for all the Lord had done for Israel and stripped down to his underwear and danced with all his might before the Lord. His wife Michal thought his actions were undignified but God caused her to barren because of her attitude toward her husband’s behavior.

Voluntary temporary nakedness for a purpose is not wrong

Why was David’s nakedness not dishonorable, yet most every other instance of nakedness in the Bible is associated with shame?

This is the key question. The answer is that under certain conditions, nakedness is honorable and acceptable, rather than being a shame.

Within marriage nakedness is a beautiful thing – the Song of Solomon spends most of the book using symbolic imagery to convey the beauty of both the male and female bodies.

The other time is when the nakedness is not forced, but clothing is voluntarily taken off for a specific temporary purpose. When David took his clothes off for worship, it was for a specific, temporary purpose. David did not walk around the rest of his life naked, eventually he put his clothes back on.

Doctors and paramedics must remove people’s clothes to give them medical attention.   When children care for their elderly parents, or when parents care for disabled adult children they will sometimes have to see them naked – there is no shame in this, and no sin in this.

Medical students must examine naked bodies.

I would argue that a male or female model stripping to be painted is nakedness with a purpose.

François_Barraud_-_La_seance_de_peinture

When people swim or bath whether in the nude that is nudity for a purpose, and it is temporary. (So no I would not be opposed to nude beaches, although I don’t ever plan on going to one).

Jean-Léon_Gérôme_bathes007

But swimming nude, and walking around nude all the time like in nudist colonies are two very different things. We should be wearing clothing, unless there is a specific and temporary reason why we are not.

I don’t agree with nude dancing in topless bars because this has physical contact between the dancers and the men and definitely leads to covetousness and fornication.

But what about some plays or shows where dancers are sometimes half naked or completely naked? I don’t see an issue in these types of dancing because it does not have naked women interacting with men in the audience, it is a show of the beauty of the body, and nothing more.

Musicians_and_dancers_on_fresco_at_Tomb_of_Nebamun

Ancient Egyptian painting of nude dancers

Even if the men are aroused by the female bodies, or women by the male bodies it is highly unlikely they are going to try and find a dancer and try to have sex with them.

What about people taking nude pictures of themselves?

I don’t believe it is always wrong for a Christian to take nude pictures of themselves, or allow themselves to be filmed naked.  I also do not believe if they allow nude pictures of themselves to be made public that it is wrong to do so.  I think there needs to be discretion here, and I am not advocating for child pornography or the breaking of any laws in doing this.

I believe that while a woman’s body belongs to her husband(in reference to the physical acts of touching and sex), her beauty belongs to world. If a woman enjoys displaying her beauty, under the right conditions(like her husband is allowing it if she is married) then I don’t see an issue. Obviously there is a time and place for everything, I don’t think a woman should show up to her church, or her job naked(unless of course she is a nude model).

If a man or woman want to put a picture of themselves on some website, as long as they do it with some discretion, realizing they can never get that picture off the web, then that is their right to do so, and nothing Biblically forbids them from doing it.

Conclusion and Application

I realize we have gone over a lot of information, and you can see by the images I have displayed in this paper that I do not believe it is wrong for a Christian to view nudity.

It is not wrong to view nudity, whether in paintings or in photographs, or even certain kinds of pornography.  See these links from RestoringChristianSexuality.com on the subject of Christian Porn.

The difference between Good Porn and Bad Porn

Why Porn is not bad for Christians or anybody else

If someone becomes voluntarily naked, temporarily and for a legitimate purpose that does not involve sinful behavior, there is nothing wrong that. So there would be nothing wrong with a Christian being a nude model, or a Christian photographing or painting nude models.

The sin comes when covetous thoughts come as we talked about earlier.

All images in this paper were taken from Wikipedia or wiki commons common domain images.

Is it wrong for a christian woman to masturbate?

Woman In Underwear Masturbating While Lying On Bed

Masturbation is not wrong, and it is not sinful for a Christian woman. In fact it is right and healthy for a Christian woman (as well as non-Christian women). Masturbation can be abused, or used in conjunction with sinful activity, but masturbation in and of itself is not a sin.

The two main reasons that Christian women may masturbate are:

  1. They are single (whether never married or divorced). Either way single women have sexual desire just like married women. Teenage women, and adult women have sexual needs that need to be met. Masturbation can provide relief without the woman engaging in premarital sex.
  2. Sometimes married women need to masturbate because their husbands are unable to give them orgasms during intercourse.

Some women simply have a hard time having an orgasm through intercourse. It is just a medical fact. Even after exploring all the possible physiological and physical issues it just is difficult for some women.

These same women don’t feel like asking their husbands every time they have sex to manually stimulate them or perform oral sex (but husbands should be willing to do this if asked). So at some point these women may go off on their own and masturbate to give themselves some relief. Some women don’t need this, or rarely need it, others need it almost every time.

There is no sin in this behavior. Ladies, I would just give a word of caution that you make sure you have tried everything first with your husband to try and have orgasms with him. Many women find, (and their husbands do as well) that when they both take the pressure off her to have an orgasm during intercourse she actually has one!

But even if you do have orgasms with your husband, it is not wrong to also masturbate on your own.

Conclusion and Application

It is not a sin to masturbate. Masturbation can be abused like anything else (including eating). But when done in a healthy way, and for the right reasons, masturbation can be a wonderful part of the gift of sexuality that God has given us.

I have covered the the subject of masturbation in much more detail in this article – Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?