This is a question that has bothered quite a few women. For a woman who actually cares about pleasing her husband this can be devastating.
First let me address the word “cum”. It can have two meanings. The first meaning of the word cum is when a man or woman has an orgasm. The second meaning of the word can refer to the actual fluid that ejects from a man’s penis when he has an orgasm.
Some Christians may think it is wrong to use the word cum, but I ask why? Is it a derogatory term toward men or women? The answer is no. And when you are having sex with your spouse, it’s a whole lot more sexy to say “I am cumming!” instead of “I am having an orgasm, or I am ejaculating”.
So now let me try to answer(from a guys point of view) whether it is normal for man not to cum (and I will address both meanings of the word).
The answer is yes and no. If a man never cums – then that is not normal.
Unlike women, men usually have a visual display of their orgasm when they eject semen from their body as they climax. For reproductive purposes this gives the sperm in the semen a better fighting chance of getting to the woman’s egg.
The “yes” answer is that normally a man should cum. The “no” answer is that sometimes, a man may not cum.
These are a few reasons a man may not cum:
1. He has masturbated several times before you had sex(he only has so much seminal fluid and then it takes time for his body to make more).
2. He had sex(with you) already that same day.
3. He is stressed about something or is not feeling well.
4. Normal part of aging process(this may happen more with older men 50’s and up).
But can a man still have an orgasm without seminal fluid coming out?
This is a question that many ladies may ask – can a man have an orgasm without seminal fluid coming out? So in essence cum without the cum(orgasm without ejaculation)? Absolutely! I have had this happen to me during sex the few times in my marriage that my wife and I have had sex like 3 times in a 24 period, total orgasm with absolutely nothing coming out. And actually the ejaculation(same muscle movements) still occur, it’s just there is no fluid to push out.
How often should this happen(where he does not cum) before a wife should be concerned?
Ladies – If this happens with your husband occasionally(like maybe 10 to 20 percent of time) you have nothing to worry about.
If however it happens more than 20 percent of time – there may be some other issues.
I want to divide these into issues you don’t need to worry about as a woman, and those issues you should worry about:
Reasons a man may have a difficult timing cumming that a wife does not need to worry about:
1. It may just be blood flow issue and he can see the doctor about getting on ED medication.
2. If it is stress from work, or some other psychological issue than try to encourage your husband to seek out professional counseling.
Reasons a wife should be concerned about her husband not cumming:
If you have ruled out the two reasons I gave above then we have to get into the more concerning areas. The first is pornography. But ladies please be careful on this one, too many women jump to this conclusion way too fast when there are issues in the bedroom, so tread lightly.
Yes – from a Biblical perspective it is wrong to watch two people who are not married having sex(fornicating).
But while it is sin, it an easy sin for good Christian men to fall into. Also unless he is looking at it all the time(obsessively) it probably is not what is affecting him the bedroom. Men are wired for variety, and those who look at pornography I encourage to switch over to erotica. I define erotica as drawings or paintings of people having sex, or photography of nude women(not having sex). We are forbidden from viewing images or film of actual people committing fornication or adultery and most photographic images and film are one of those two things.
But the viewing of the naked female body(or male body for by a woman), and deriving pleasure from the mental images of it is not sin.
Another reason though that married men may seek out pornography. One of the big reasons is that their wives rarely let them see them naked, nor do their wives use their nakedness to arouse their husbands. There are many couples who have sex in the dark all the time, and this is not good for a man. He needs to view his wife’s nakedness, he is wired for it.
Men also seek out pornography when they are not getting to have sex very often with their wife, or when they feel their wife will just turn them down. It is easier to just pull up some porn, and take care of his sexual need.
I realize for many women this entire concept is hard to understand, but if you have found that your husband has been viewing pornography you need to be careful how you approach this with your husband, and make sure you are doing everything you can to meet your husband’s sexual needs.
The other concerning reason your husband may be having issues with cumming is because he is having an affair. This is the absolute worst case scenario and no woman should jump to this conclusion first. All other reasons should be exhausted first. Most of the time this is not the reason for man not being able to cum as often.
How should a wife handle it when her husband does not cum?
With utter gentleness. If your husband has an orgasm but no ejaculate there should be no cause for concern (unless as I said above it happens all the time). But even if he does not have an orgasm, it is up to him whether he wants to keep going and he should not be pressured to have an orgasm. Don’t make him feel bad, don’t display frustration with him. Just love him and cuddle up to him and let him know everything is fine.
Ladies don’t beat yourself up if your husband does not always have seminal fluid come out, or even if he does not always have an orgasm. You may feel like you failed, but if he is ok then you can rest easy(the same way you might be with him if you don’t have an orgasm every time). Now there are some issues as I said you may need to seek counseling about, if this happens all the time. It could be excessive masturbation on your husband’s part where he has nothing left for you and that would need to be dealt with. But if it only occurs 20 percent of less of the time(so maybe 1 out of 5 times) you should not worry.