Why a Christian wife should perform oral sex on her husband


Most men have a very hard time articulating their sexual needs – they know what they are – they just don’t know how to express them.  They may be embarrassed or have some other reason for not sharing their needs with their wives. But make no mistake, all men want oral sex, fellatio, a blow job or whatever else people usually call it. It is true that some men have been taught that it is a sin to perform oral sex on their wife, or for their wife to perform oral sex on them. So they resist only because they have been taught a false teaching. Other men deny their need because they think women will think they are disgusting for wanting it. But none of these things take away from the fact, that in the depths of their hearts, all men want their wives to perform oral sex on them.

It is not not an abnormal thing to want, wives have been performing fellatio on husbands for thousands of years.


How many men want their wives to perform oral sex?

Let me make this easy ladies – it’s 100%.  The same could not be said for you gals, but for us guys it is definitely 100%.   Another way of putting this is – if a survey were taken and 80% of men in the survey said they wanted there wives to perform oral sex, and 20 percent said they did not – the 20% are lying! Their wives were probably standing over them when they took the survey.

Believe me – I have known some pastor friends of mine who tried to act like it was not a big deal if their wives did not do that – and yes ladies men do talk about that – and no I don’t think it is sinful or wrong(it can become wrong under certain circumstances).   I always tell them they are flat-out lying to themselves and they have just given up and settled – and they never can disagree with a straight face.

Types of oral sex

Before I can get more into the why – let me quickly define the types of oral sex so we know what we are talking about:

  1. Sacrificial oral sex–  this where you perform oral sex on your husband, and get nothing back sexually except his undying gratitude.  This is all about him.  Maybe he comes home from work one day and has just had a horrible day at work.  While he is talking about his bad day, you place your head in his lap – and do what only his wife can do for him. That is sacrificial oral sex.
  2. Oral sex as foreplay – this where you perform oral sex on him as foreplay leading to intercourse –  this is always a great prelude to intercourse(and probably the context in which oral sex should take place the majority of the time).
  3. Mutual oral sex – this is where you satisfy him orally and then he satisfies you orally or you get in some position where you can satisfy each other at the same time.

What oral sex means to a man

If done with the right attitude sacrificial oral sex shows not only your love, but your humility as a wife.  Not only is it physically pleasurable(obviously) but you doing it – expecting nothing in return says a lot about your character to your husband – it is a completely and utterly selfless act.

Now I know someone could stop me and say – some wives may perform this act for selfish reasons and that is true.   Perhaps the husband and wife have been looking at furniture stores for a new kitchen table set.  The husband had a certain price range in mind and the wife sees one that is far outside the price range and she just has to have it.  Her husband objects saying it is too much money. So she tells him they will “discuss” it when they get home.

When they get home –  she persuades him – if he will allow her to get the more expensive dining room set – she will do him a “favor”.  That is no longer an act of love – but an act of sexual manipulation.  Sadly this occurs in a lot of marriages.

In fact for many husbands – the only way they ever get oral sex is if they buy their wives some expensive thing she wants or do something she wants.  So really the wife in this case is no more than a glorified prostitute – and this is very sad.   I had this situation in my first marriage, but thankfully not in my second marriage.

Oral sex even as a prelude to sex – shows the man you truly care about his sexual needs.  If you simply want to have a little foreplay where he kisses you and you kiss him, with perhaps some fondling and then go straight to sex – you are a selfish lover.  You are showing him you only care about sex when it is completely and mutually beneficial at all times – and you are not willing to make any sacrifices.

Why it is important for a woman to let her husband perform oral sex on her?

Yes there are many woman who love their husbands to perform oral sex (Cunnilingus) on them.  Personally I have never understood the ones who don’t want it very often(unfortunately my ex-wife and second wife fall in this category).  But it is important for a woman to also allow her husband to perform oral sex on her.  I understand ladies you have those times when you just don’t feel so fresh – and don’t want him down there.  But that should be the exception and not the norm.

Much of our self-esteem as men comes from how we feel about how we please our wives in the bedroom.  I know many women think that it is stupid – but look it up!  Get ten relationship books and eight out of the ten will give you this very important truth.  Besides that  – it is big turn on for most men to do that with their wives.

If you have a problem with him down there – perhaps you need to see a sex therapist and examine the psychological barriers that prevent you from enjoying his pleasuring of you.  There is help if you are willing.

If you are one those women with a rare husband who does not want to perform oral sex on you, see this separate article I wrote on that subject:

My Husband never performs oral sex on me

Did you know the Bible talks about oral sex?

The following passage alludes to the women craving the taste of her husbands semen – yes that is exactly what the allusion is ladies.

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest  is my beloved   among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade,     and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

Song of Solomon 2:3(NIV)

This next passage is speaking of the woman’s desire for her husband to perform oral sex on her – literally to taste of her fruits

Awake, north wind,  and come, south wind! Blow on my garden,  that its fragrance  may spread everywhere. Let my beloved   come into his garden     and taste its choice fruits

Song of Solomon 4:16(NIV)

And for those who would reject these allusions and try to write them off as referring to something else – there is not one single prohibition against oral sex in all scripture.  Nothing in scripture limits sex to intercourse – period.

Ok the big question – what about swallowing?

Yes it has to be discussed – and no it’s not a sin to talk about it.    I don’t think this is a deal breaker for most guys – even if you just let him finish in your mouth from time to time and you gently spit it out – that won’t bother most guys. However while it is not a deal breaker, most men would tell you if you want to do it perfectly then you have to finish, and you have to swallow – that is perfect Fellatio(oral sex on a man).  So if you want the A ladies, you have to take the task to completion, else you will probably get a B, even though most guys would accept a B or even a C.

Not allowing him to finish at all in your mouth(whether your swallow or not) is offensive to a lot of men.  They see it as their wife rejecting them(when in fact she may not be).  So tread carefully here.

This is something you can learn to enjoy, I know that seems self-serving from a guy, but I have read from plenty of Christian women in marriage books or web articles make the same claim(that you can learn to enjoy it).

A lot of it is in your mindset – it is not like you are a prostitute having to do this on strange men – you only have to perform this on one man – the man whom you claim to love and with whom you share your life, perhaps the father of your children.  So if you think of it this way – you are tuning yourself to him and him alone – it is not such a daunting task.

If you have read my articles on nudity on this site, you will know that I do not believe nudity in and of itself is wrong for a Christian(not even to photography one’s self nude). With that being said, this site below offers more information on oral sex but a WARNING to you, it does feature actual married couples having sex.

Related article: Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?

9 thoughts on “Why a Christian wife should perform oral sex on her husband

  1. V

    Great work. More like this is needed. The glue that used to hold marriages together is no longer be passed down by the elder women.
    Thesr bonds hold family together. Ladies be mindful of intimacy and its importance in survival.

  2. DebrinaMaria

    Interesting article. I noticed under Types of oral sex, you left out one very important one. The Sacrificial one when the husband comes home from work and he see’s that his wife is clearly had a rough day. He kisses her and leads her to the bedroom, makes her feel completely comfortable, gently talking her clothes off, kissing her neck, her breasts, and kissing her down there, yes, this is nice husbands, and he does this wonderful thing called (oral on her) for 20 minutes or longer. How ever long it may take for her to climax. ( For women to fully enjoy sex, it takes foreplay because, it does take longer for a women to have an orgasm). The husband wants to satisfy his wife like she has done for him so many times before when she took him in her mouth and made him feel like a real happy man. He in return goes down on her orally and he wants nothing in return, he just wants to make her feel completely satisfied and beautiful. I just wanted to say this, because I didn’t see anything about this part in your article. Only mutual or when the Husband gets a nice bj when he gets home from work. It works both ways. If more men would realize this, there would be alot more happy women in the world and lower divorce rates. 92% of women need to be stimulating through their clitoris, and orally is the best way to reach this arousal and orgasm. When a man lays on top of a woman and does his thing, this is nothing more than a soft core rape. When a woman (wife) hasn’t been stimulated by her husband in order to get aroused (wet) the sex is usually very painful. The husband is the only one receiving any pleasure from this course of dry sex (therapy terms). I have seen several male patients who complained they were dissatisfied in their marital sex life. And they had no idea what it takes to please a woman or how to have a fun, healthy sex life. They needed serious help in this area. Not until they read several books, took sex education classes on how to please your wife. And before they actually understood a woman’s body, they were clueless. A woman can not have an orgasm having vaginal sex alone. The clitoris has to be stimulated before hand or during sex. Otherwise, you are going to get an unhappy, unsatisfied, woman, who is screaming a fake orgasm. And as soon as you leave she has to go in her drawer and pull out her vibrator and lubricant to finish what you couldn’t do as a clueless spouse. Please learn what it takes to please a real woman. The divorce rates would be considerably lower if only men knew more of the things needed to please their wives. You have to give a little to get a little. It works both ways……

    1. DebrinaMaria,

      Thank you for your comment. Let me first say where I agree with you, and then at the end I will give some of my disagreements with what you have said. I agree that it is just as important for the man to fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, to the best of his ability, as it is hers to the best of her ability.

      I agree that if all a man every does is rip his wife’s pant’s off with no foreplay or kissing or anything and just has sex with her without first trying to get her turned on and lubricated in her vagina that is selfish(if he does that all the time).

      I agree more men need to get educated on how a woman’s body works, and make concerted effort to find out what pleases her in the bedroom.

      You are absolutely correct that according to most studies, the vast majority of women rarely have orgasms through intercourse, and even when they do it is because the man was stimulating the manually before intercourse, or performing oral sex and got them to the point they were so excited that it did not take much for them to climax with intercourse.

      The article you are commenting on was meant to be strictly to women to understand a man’s point of view about oral sex, it was not mean to diminish the fact that many women want their husbands to perform oral sex on them.

      I actually wrote an article on men performing oral sex on their wives, and reasons they might not be and how wives can help them with this.

      So these are all the agreements I have with you, now let me move on to where I disagree with you.

      I disagree that men having better sex with their wives would have a significant impact on divorce, as most studies show women divorce their husbands for reasons other than sex. Most of the time it is for emotional reasons, he does not talk to her enough, connect with her enough, make her feel special, they don’t see eye to eye on finances or the kids, sex for women is a very small reason for why most women divorce their husbands.

      On the other hand, most studies show that the reason men cheat, and then are divorced primarily centers around two issues – lack of respect and lack of sex from their wives.

      I also take issue with your terminology of “soft core rape” when a husband gets on top of his wife and “does his thing”. If he does that all the time, I agree that is selfishness on his part, but when a man and woman are married, this is not rape. The Bible is crystal clear that his body belongs to her for her sexual needs, and her body belongs to him for his sexual needs. Basically you are saying every time a husband and wife have a quickie that is “soft core” rape and I can’t agree with that. Again if all they have is this kind of quickie sex, than I agree it is selfishness on his part, but not rape, let’s leave that term to a man who has sex with a woman that he has no right to be with.

      My family is actually very open about talking about sex, so I have heard things from my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, my mom, my sisters and other women first hand, as well as reading on the sexual psychology of the majority of women. I say all that to say the sacrificial act that you describe would not be romantic most women. Most women do not just want to have their husband start undressing them the moment they come in the door, they want to talk, they want emotional and mental connection before physical connection can begin. Most men are exactly the opposite, the physical connection can come first, and then it opens our emotional connection after the event – there are small percentage of women that are like men in this area, where physical can come before emotional and mental, but they are rare.

      Also for most men -their sexuality is orgasm-centric, where many women report that they do not always have to have an orgasm at ever sexual encounter to consider the sexual experience a success. This is just one of the many ways God made men different than women. Now in no way am I saying most women never want to have an orgasm, as that would be untrue. They just don’t need it 99% of the time, like men do. Many women could have an orgasm 75% of the time, or maybe even 50% of the time and be satisfied.

      Still others don’t mind masturbating with a toy or what not later, as they sometimes struggle to have an orgasm with their husband, even if he is putting in an effort to manually or orally stimulate them.

      I say all this to say I understand women have sexual needs as well, and men should try to meet those needs. But men and women for the part are very different when it comes to how their sexuality works, and women are a LOT more complicated in how they have orgasms than men(for the most part, there are some women who are highly orgasmic).

      I do though truly understand the need for a wife to be lubricated down their, as my wife has a lot of issues with natural lubrication. Unfortunately she does not like oral sex much(giving it or receiving it) and really is not a big one on foreplay either, she likes to get to intercourse as soon as possible, but I always use some kind of lubricant to make sure it is not dry and uncomfortable for her. Believe me I have loved few times she lets me perform oral sex on her, as it is a huge turn on for me.

  3. Very well written article. It is true that a wife can learn to enjoy the finish and enjoy accepting her husband’s ejaculation. Overcoming mental blocks is the key. One sees many comments from wives to the effect that once they tried it “it was not so bad after all.” And, the wife’s enjoyment is not limited to giving pleasure to her husband. She can enjoy the physical sensations as her mouth (tongue, lips) is a very sensuous and erogenous zone.

    A lot of negativity in attitudes towards oral sex has to do with the distortion of sexuality that pornography has contributed to. Within a loving marriage, oral sex – both giving and receiving – is a beautiful expression of love and enhances the shared intimacy between the spouses. Both spouses are vulnerable during oral sex, but they feel safe and secure within their loving relationship. Oral sex does show trust and acceptance like no other act does.

    Christian wives should at least try finishing their oral sex several times. For those times when oral sex is the main event (by mutual agreement) and will proceed through the man’s climax, the wife should accept the ejaculation inside her mouth. Both physically and emotionally this is the best way to finish for her husband. Wives ought to try swallowing on several occasions as by doing so they will give their husband the “ultimate” oral sex experience and they can find out for themselves if they like to do this. Accepting the ejaculation and swallowing the semen becomes easier for the wife with a little experience. Many experienced wives say that they feel that swallowing is the natural end to this act and that it makes them feel closer to their husband. It is sacrificial, yes, but it can also be joyous for both spouses.

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