Let me tell you – as a man(even a Christian man) – we desperately need you to accept our nature and accept our needs.
What is accepting a man’s nature?
Based on what I have read in and my own experience – a man’s two greatest needs are respect and sex. These really going hand in hand. A man not only wants his wife to respect him for who he is and what he does(his career – his provision for the family, his intelligence) – but he also wants her to respect his sexual nature.
No man likes be scolded by his wife for noticing her breasts, or googling her when she comes out of the shower. Yet women do it all the time to their husbands. They make their husbands feel like lesser beings for being visually stimulated – when this is how God designed man.
Another thing women do is give their husband the third degree for noticing attractive women around them.
I know it sounds romantic and wonderful to think your husband would never even want to glance at another woman because he loves you so much. As the song goes “I only have eyes for you”, sound great, but it is not reality. The fact is men are visual creatures and we don’t have an off switch just because we love our wives.
You cannot make your husband feel dirty or wrong because he wants to have sex with you, or because he wants to change up positions or asks you to wear lingerie in the bedroom.
You need to embrace his nature – yes yours is different, and you may not completely understand his, but you cannot and should not shame him for his nature.
Would you appreciate it, or do you appreciate it when your husband demeans you for being an emotional woman? It is your nature to be emotional, and you want your husband to respect that – in the same way you should respect his nature, especially as it relates to sex.
What is accepting a man’s needs?
I really believe you first have to accept and respect a man’s nature before you can accept his needs. If you just try to blindly accept his sexual needs without first accepting and respecting his nature you will often fail. You will just be going through the motions.
But if you accept his nature, then accepting that fact that he needs sex, and he may need it more often than you will be a much easier task.
You need to accept your husband is a visual, sexual creature. He needs to see you naked, he needs to see you come out of the shower, or getting dressed in your bedroom. That is so critical in a marriage. So many Christian married couples never see each other naked – and always make love in the dark. While this may be ok for the woman – it is not for a man. You are cheating him of something he needs, although most men have trouble communicating this to their spouses.
I once read in a marriage book by Dennis and Barbara Rainy a story about a young pastor and his wife. The newly wed pastor and his wife were talking one evening. She asked him “what can I do as your wife to help you be a more Godly man?” He replied – “Some day when you know I am coming home from the church – greet me at the door naked”. Now most women – Christian or otherwise, are all shaking their heads at that. But what this young pastor was revealing to his wife was what a wife needs to do for her husband.
The Bible clearly states that when you don’t meet your spouses needs sexually – you are putting them right in Satan’s crosshairs – you are putting them in temptation’s path. If your husband is expelling all his energy in just fighting temptation – how can he be the best he can be for God and for that matter – for you?
Men will always look at other women, some may be more subtle than others, but we all look. We are wired to receive pleasure in our brain from viewing the female form. But that is not the same as running around having sex with different women.
Men need BOTH visual variety and a wife to make love to
A lot of people think it is a choice, either men need to look at other women, or they just need one physical woman who cares about them to make love too. The reality is men need both. They need a woman that loves them, with whom they share a bond to make love too. But they also need to be able to view other women, without being scolded for it.
So what do you need to do?
Wives – you need to sit your husband down. You need to communicate to him how much you love him. If you have shamed him for his nature or needs in the past – you need to confess that and ask his forgiveness. You need to ask him what you can do as his wife to meet his needs in the sexual arena – and then put that knowledge into action.
Stop shaming his for need of visual variety, for his need to view other women as well as you. It does not mean he does not love you, it is simply how he is wired.
For 95% of marriages – this will transform your marriage. And don’t be surprised ladies – if your husband starts being more romantic as you meet his sexual needs.