Most men have a very hard time articulating their sexual needs – they know what they are – they just don’t know how to express them. They may be embarrassed or have some other reason for not sharing their needs with their wives. But make no mistake, all men want oral sex, fellatio, a blow job or whatever else people usually call it. It is true that some men have been taught that it is a sin to perform oral sex on their wife, or for their wife to perform oral sex on them. So they resist only because they have been taught a false teaching. Other men deny their need because they think women will think they are disgusting for wanting it. But none of these things take away from the fact, that in the depths of their hearts, all men want their wives to perform oral sex on them.
It is not not an abnormal thing to want, wives have been performing fellatio on husbands for thousands of years.
How many men want their wives to perform oral sex?
Let me make this easy ladies – it’s 100%. The same could not be said for you gals, but for us guys it is definitely 100%. Another way of putting this is – if a survey were taken and 80% of men in the survey said they wanted there wives to perform oral sex, and 20 percent said they did not – the 20% are lying! Their wives were probably standing over them when they took the survey.
Believe me – I have known some pastor friends of mine who tried to act like it was not a big deal if their wives did not do that – and yes ladies men do talk about that – and no I don’t think it is sinful or wrong(it can become wrong under certain circumstances). I always tell them they are flat-out lying to themselves and they have just given up and settled – and they never can disagree with a straight face.
Types of oral sex
Before I can get more into the why – let me quickly define the types of oral sex so we know what we are talking about:
- Sacrificial oral sex– this where you perform oral sex on your husband, and get nothing back sexually except his undying gratitude. This is all about him. Maybe he comes home from work one day and has just had a horrible day at work. While he is talking about his bad day, you place your head in his lap – and do what only his wife can do for him. That is sacrificial oral sex.
- Oral sex as foreplay – this where you perform oral sex on him as foreplay leading to intercourse – this is always a great prelude to intercourse(and probably the context in which oral sex should take place the majority of the time).
- Mutual oral sex – this is where you satisfy him orally and then he satisfies you orally or you get in some position where you can satisfy each other at the same time.
What oral sex means to a man
If done with the right attitude sacrificial oral sex shows not only your love, but your humility as a wife. Not only is it physically pleasurable(obviously) but you doing it – expecting nothing in return says a lot about your character to your husband – it is a completely and utterly selfless act.
Now I know someone could stop me and say – some wives may perform this act for selfish reasons and that is true. Perhaps the husband and wife have been looking at furniture stores for a new kitchen table set. The husband had a certain price range in mind and the wife sees one that is far outside the price range and she just has to have it. Her husband objects saying it is too much money. So she tells him they will “discuss” it when they get home.
When they get home – she persuades him – if he will allow her to get the more expensive dining room set – she will do him a “favor”. That is no longer an act of love – but an act of sexual manipulation. Sadly this occurs in a lot of marriages.
In fact for many husbands – the only way they ever get oral sex is if they buy their wives some expensive thing she wants or do something she wants. So really the wife in this case is no more than a glorified prostitute – and this is very sad. I had this situation in my first marriage, but thankfully not in my second marriage.
Oral sex even as a prelude to sex – shows the man you truly care about his sexual needs. If you simply want to have a little foreplay where he kisses you and you kiss him, with perhaps some fondling and then go straight to sex – you are a selfish lover. You are showing him you only care about sex when it is completely and mutually beneficial at all times – and you are not willing to make any sacrifices.
Why it is important for a woman to let her husband perform oral sex on her?
Yes there are many woman who love their husbands to perform oral sex (Cunnilingus) on them. Personally I have never understood the ones who don’t want it very often(unfortunately my ex-wife and second wife fall in this category). But it is important for a woman to also allow her husband to perform oral sex on her. I understand ladies you have those times when you just don’t feel so fresh – and don’t want him down there. But that should be the exception and not the norm.
Much of our self-esteem as men comes from how we feel about how we please our wives in the bedroom. I know many women think that it is stupid – but look it up! Get ten relationship books and eight out of the ten will give you this very important truth. Besides that – it is big turn on for most men to do that with their wives.
If you have a problem with him down there – perhaps you need to see a sex therapist and examine the psychological barriers that prevent you from enjoying his pleasuring of you. There is help if you are willing.
If you are one those women with a rare husband who does not want to perform oral sex on you, see this separate article I wrote on that subject:
Did you know the Bible talks about oral sex?
The following passage alludes to the women craving the taste of her husbands semen – yes that is exactly what the allusion is ladies.
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
Song of Solomon 2:3(NIV)
This next passage is speaking of the woman’s desire for her husband to perform oral sex on her – literally to taste of her fruits
Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits
Song of Solomon 4:16(NIV)
And for those who would reject these allusions and try to write them off as referring to something else – there is not one single prohibition against oral sex in all scripture. Nothing in scripture limits sex to intercourse – period.
Ok the big question – what about swallowing?
Yes it has to be discussed – and no it’s not a sin to talk about it. I don’t think this is a deal breaker for most guys – even if you just let him finish in your mouth from time to time and you gently spit it out – that won’t bother most guys. However while it is not a deal breaker, most men would tell you if you want to do it perfectly then you have to finish, and you have to swallow – that is perfect Fellatio(oral sex on a man). So if you want the A ladies, you have to take the task to completion, else you will probably get a B, even though most guys would accept a B or even a C.
Not allowing him to finish at all in your mouth(whether your swallow or not) is offensive to a lot of men. They see it as their wife rejecting them(when in fact she may not be). So tread carefully here.
This is something you can learn to enjoy, I know that seems self-serving from a guy, but I have read from plenty of Christian women in marriage books or web articles make the same claim(that you can learn to enjoy it).
A lot of it is in your mindset – it is not like you are a prostitute having to do this on strange men – you only have to perform this on one man – the man whom you claim to love and with whom you share your life, perhaps the father of your children. So if you think of it this way – you are tuning yourself to him and him alone – it is not such a daunting task.
If you have read my articles on nudity on this site, you will know that I do not believe nudity in and of itself is wrong for a Christian(not even to photography one’s self nude). With that being said, this site below offers more information on oral sex but a WARNING to you, it does feature actual married couples having sex.
Related article: Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?